Kinsey relationship survey: Men value cuddling, women sexual satisfaction

By Deborah Kotz, Globe Staff

When it comes to predicting relationship satisfaction among middle-aged couples, a new survey from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University discards some very worn stereotypes. A man’s satisfaction with his partner partly depended on the frequency of kissing and cuddling as well as sexual caressing. For women? Not so much.

They were more likely to be satisfied with their relationship if they had been in it for years and if they had retained their, um, full potential to experience pleasure. Men also reported that they were happier in their relationship if they maintained their sexual function -- but, oddly, it wasn’t as big a factor as it was for women.

Also a surprise for the researchers: Men were more likely to report being happy in their relationships, while women were more likely to report being sexually satisfied.

The survey of 1,000 couples ages 40 to 70 who had been together for an average of 25 years was published this week in the Archives of Sexual Behavior; it not only included couples from the United States but also from Brazil, Japan, Germany, and Spain.

And there were some pretty big differences between countries. Japanese men were more than two and a half times as likely to report feeling sexual satisfaction in their relationships compared with men from the other countries. And Japanese women and Brazilian women reported more sexual satisfaction than their American counterparts.

While the data may make it seem like women don’t place much value in affectionate touching, those who reported feeling sexually satisfied were also twice as likely to say they frequently kissed and cuddled their partner as those who weren’t satisfied.

The survey, though, also suggests that some stereotypes are still valid. Men reported more lifetime sexual partners on average than women -- about 12 compared with five for women. And the more partners the participants reported, the less likely they were to feel sexually satisfied. “Searching for a better partner or sexual experience may emerge from or be connected to a lack of sexual satisfaction rather than just a desire for sexual recreation and variety,” wrote the researchers. “Alternatively, more partners might indicate different standards based on greater experience.”