Grief from Patriots’ Super Bowl loss? How to deal

By Deborah Kotz, Globe Staff

Tom Brady isn’t the only one grieving today from last night’s Super Bowl loss. The millions of fans in Patriots nation are too.

“People can have such a strong identification with their sports team that they actually go through a grieving process when the team loses,” said Jesse Steinfeldt, a sports psychologist at Indiana University in Bloomington. “I’m originally from Green Bay, and it shook me for several days when the Giants beat Green Bay in the first round of the playoffs.”

As I previously reported, cities that suffer from a home team loss in the Super Bowl actually have a slightly higher rate of heart attacks during the two weeks that follow the loss, presumably due to the collective agony of defeat.

Steinfeldt said it’s not uncommon for football fans to go through the five formal grief stages -- identified by psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross -- that occur when a loved one dies or a marriage ends: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Of course, the process should be much milder and shorter -- this is, after all, the death of a season, not a person -- lasting a week or two at most.

(If you’re still grieving from the Patriots Super Bowl loss to the Giants four years ago, it’s way past time to see a therapist.)

How best to deal with the latest disappointment?

Sharon-based psychotherapist Karen Ruskin recommends first acknowledging the loss. “Rooting for a sports team can become part of your extracurricular identity,” she said, so a disappointing performance can feel like you personally failed in some way.

Ask yourself why you’re so upset if the disappointment lingers. “My guess is that the grief is probably connected to something else in your life,” said Steinfeldt. It may be more socially acceptable, especially for men, to express anger and frustration when their team loses than, say, over their lingering unemployment or lack of a romantic partner.

Getting a sense of perspective can also help. Steinfeldt said he hugged his kids more often during the first few days after the Green Bay loss to remind him what was most important in his life.

If all else fails, step away from the news stories about the loss and distract yourself with other things. “Go to the gym, read a good book, see a movie,” said Ruskin, “anything that makes you feel good.”

Related: Why it’s healthy for men to cry over sports