Like a number theorist
It's taken her 22 years, but Madonna is finally on to us. Several years ago we devised a highly scientific formula that can determine if a Madge disc is worth the plastic it's printed on, or should be promptly roasted to crisp over a cabala candle before it finds its way into a CD player. It goes a little something like this: An album with a three-word title equals a killer Madonna record. A single-word title is good but not flawless. And a CD bearing a two-word title should be handled as hazardous waste. This isn't just random flapdoodle. The scientific proof is listed below in the newsprint pudding. Clearly Madonna knows we've figured out her little game, because she has decided to call her new album ''Confessions on a Dance Floor" (right). This five-word-title is perhaps the biggest blow to our theory since Esther released the stinker known as ''Who's That Girl?" (spawning a whole new sub-category of three-word-titles with punctuation marks, oy vey). Meanwhile, here is the purely subjective, yet super-scientific breakdown of Madonna's catalog by number of words in the title.
CHRISTOPHER MUTHER
Three-word titles:
Should already live on your iPod
‘‘Like a Virgin’’ (1984)
‘‘You Can Dance’’ (1987)
‘‘Like a Prayer’’ (1989)
‘‘Ray of Light’’ (1998)
Two-word titles:
What’s that smell?
‘‘I’m Breathless’’ (1990)
‘‘American Life’’ (2003)
‘‘Bedtime Stories’’ (1994)
‘‘True Blue’’ (1986)
One-word titles:
Good, but not consistently great
‘‘Music’’ (2000)
‘‘Erotica’’ (1992)
‘‘Madonna’’ (1983)
Carey has the Vibe
Mariah Carey (inset) was the big winner at Saturday's Vibe Awards, a celebration of hip-hop and R&B that went smoothly this year; a brawl and a stabbing disrupted last year's ceremony. Carey won Artist of the Year, R&B Voice of the Year, Best R&B Song for ''We Belong Together," and Album of the Year for her comeback hit, ''The Emancipation of Mimi." ''Whatever you're going through in your life, don't ever give up," Carey said at the star-studded affair, which was taped for broadcast tomorrow on UPN. Cognac and champagne flowed freely as rappers wearing diamonds and gold ''grills" on their teeth mingled peacefully. The principals in last year's melee -- Jimmy James Johnson, Dr. Dre, and Young Buck -- did not attend this year's ceremony.
Menuhin ousted from music foundation
The son of the late violinist Yehudi Menuhin has been ousted as head of the German branch of the music foundation begun by his father for statements he made to a newspaper run by Germany's leading far-right party. The Yehudi Menuhin Foundation had asked Gerard Menuhin to step down earlier this month, after he told the German Voice it was ''not healthy" to hold Germany to the crimes it committed 60 years ago. ''There are very unemotional reasons to bring an end to these customs," Menuhin said. When he ignored the foundation's request to step down, it removed Menuhin from office.
San Francisco feels the wrath of O'Reilly
Bill O'Reilly's so upset about a San Francisco ballot measure opposing military recruiters in city schools that he's invited terrorists to blow up the city. No kidding. According to a transcript of his syndicated radio show posted by the San Francisco Chronicle, an incensed O'Reilly said: ''You want to be your own country? Go right ahead. And if Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco." And referring to the landmark atop Telegraph Hill in San Fran, O'Reilly added, ''You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead." City officials are not amused. ''It sounds like he's on the same medication Rush Limbaugh is addicted to," said Board of Supervisors president Aaron Peskin.
FROM WIRE SERVICES
