The end of the lane
Since 2001, I've ended each year with my annual Grahammy awards for distinguished and dubious achievements in pop culture. Since this is my last Life in the Pop Lane column, I'd like to recognize not only the memorable moments of the past 12 months, but also those folks who through their remarkably stupid, illegal, and publicity-hungry actions made writing this column so easy for the past six years:
MICHAEL JACKSON: By a rough estimate, I've written about the so-called King of Pop 2,356 times. A minor exaggeration perhaps, but to a person who writes about pop culture, Jackson has been a gift that kept on giving. From his ever-devolving appearance to his baby-dangling episode, from child molestation allegations to his subsequent acquittal on all charges earlier this year, Jackson has never disappointed the columnist in me, even as he has relentlessly disappointed me as a once-devout fan.
TOM CRUISE: Truth be told, I've always felt rather indifferent toward Cruise -- but then he spent a good chunk of 2005 pulling a very public nutty on ''Oprah," ''Today," and any other show that booked him. Was he crazy in love with an increasingly glassy-eyed Katie Holmes, or just plain crazy? And did it even matter? By the time he'd finished getting all up in Brooke Shields's post-partum business, anointing himself an expert on the history of psychiatry, calling Matt Lauer ''glib" for daring to suggest that some people have been helped by anti-depressants, Cruise's carefully constructed cool had collapsed like a cheap lawn chair.
CRAZY LOVE: It's what the French call ''amour fou," but I prefer to simply say Whitney and Bobby. Sniff if you must, but they've outlasted Brad and Jennifer, Nick and Jessica, and Renee and Kenny combined -- 13 headline-grabbing years, and they're still going strong. (Heck, I've had lunches that lasted longer than Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney.) Their Bravo show ''Being Bobby Brown" was reality TV at its most relentlessly base and addictively watchable. We knew Bobby was a mess, but it was the haggard, chain-smoking Whitney who proved most shocking of all. In the middle of this was their much-debated relationship, which somehow seemed strangely tender. 'Fess up -- save for their trips to rehab, crashed cars, jail stints, and overall classless behavior, isn't this the kind of enduring love for which great sonnets are written?
THE SIMPSON FAMILY: In 2003, we fell in love with Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, and their MTV reality show ''Newlyweds," which was more entertaining than anything else they'd ever done. Then last month, what had been rumored for months was finally confirmed -- they'd fallen out of love and were headed for divorce. Let this be a lesson to every young couple considering trading potential connubial bliss for flash-in-the-pan stardom. Their marriage barely lasted longer than their TV show. Then there was Jessica's talent-deprived younger sister, Ashlee. By the time father/manager Joe Simpson foisted her on the world, he quickly emerged as the creepiest showbiz dad since Papa Joe Jackson.
GUILTIEST PLEASURES: MTV's ''Jackass" (now on DVD, and as stupid funny as ever); VH1's ''The Surreal Life 4" and ''
A DOPE FOR ALL SEASONS: It's been this kind of year for the limpest Bizkit, Fred Durst. A homemade sex tape, supposedly stolen from Durst's computer, found its way onto the Internet, and no one cared. Durst then filed a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against several websites that posted the three-minute tape -- and still no one cared. Does anyone remember that at the turn of the century Limp Bizkit was arguably the biggest band in the world? Now nobody wants to admit to wearing their red New York Yankees caps backward and singing every word of ''Nookie." Durst, always a hack, is now a has-been, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
I'M NOT SAYIN', BUT I'M JUST SAYIN': Yes, Russell Crowe was wrong for turning a phone into a projectile aimed at the head of a New York hotel concierge. But don't tell me that anyone who's gotten a dose of attitude at some overpriced Manhattan hotel hasn't wanted to do the same thing.
THE DEATH OF IRONY: Remember how, in the immediate aftermath of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, stern-faced cultural pundits surmised that the horror of that day would forever alter our national consciousness? They were right -- as a nation, we're more frivolous and puerile than ever. As the world has turned darker, we've become even more preoccupied with anti-news, from Paris Hilton's antics to that moronic runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks.
LAST GOODBYES: Actors Ossie Davis, Anne Bancroft, Eddie Albert, John Spencer, Bob Denver, James Doohan, Don Adams, John Vernon, Sandra Dee, singers Luther Vandross, Shirley Horn, Ibrahim Ferrer, playwright Arthur Miller, entertainer Johnny Carson, newsman Peter Jennings, producer Ismail Merchant, and the brilliant, uncategorizable Richard Pryor.
My heartfelt thanks to all for your time, and especially your pithy comments and responses. Happy holidays.
Renée Graham can be reached at graham@globe.com until Thursday. 
