Love among the stars

Forget Gary Busey's bizarre behavior or Javier Bardem's soliloquy in Spanish. The most memorable Oscar night performance was delivered after the Academy Awards were over. That's when Ben Affleck appeared on Jimmy Kimmel's show, playing the talk show host's boytoy in the hilarious music video "I'm [expletive] Ben Affleck." The video, featuring a slew of A-list actors and musicians, was Kimmel's response to "I'm [expletive] Matt Damon," which his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, had released a few weeks before. (Silverman's screamer has already received 8 million hits.) About his secret love affair with Affleck, Kimmel's video includes a "We Are the World"-like chorus featuring Cameron Diaz, Macy Gray, Joan Jett, Don Cheadle, Pete Wentz, Josh Groban, Perry Farrell, Benji and Joel Madden, Robin Williams, Huey Lewis, and other famous faces. At one point, Harrison Ford blows Ben a kiss and then drives off in a car sporting the bumper sticker: "Honk If You're [expletive] Ben Affleck." Funny, right? When the video was over, a smiling Affleck walked on stage and embraced Kimmel. "I pray my mother is not watching, and thank God my daughter is too young," he said. Asked about Ford's participation, Affleck said: "When your actual hero and lifelong model of masculinity, strength, and power is sitting there going, 'I'm [expletive] Ben Affleck,' it's, like, when did this happen to my life?"

Mocking Bill Belichick has become a cottage industry. The latest to lampoon the Pats coach is the Upright Citizens Brigade, a New York-based comedy troupe co-founded by "SNL" cast member Amy Poehler. (Shouldn't a Burlington native know better than to make fun of Belichick?) In the bit, which is posted on UCB's website, ucbcomedy.com, the Pats coach is busy selling his signature hoodies. "Even though we didn't have a perfect season," deadpans comedian Rory Panagotopulos, playing the part of the Pats coach, "you can still have the perfect oversized men's sweatshirt." . . . The bona fide Belichick, meanwhile, has put a few pearls of wisdom down on paper, writing the forward to his friend Nick Saban's new book, "How Good Do You Want to Be?" Saban is the football coach at the University of Alabama.

Steven Tyler piloting the space shuttle? Apparently so. In the new issue of Private Air magazine, the Aerosmith screamer says he's a regular visitor at the Johnson Space Center in Houston and Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Fla., and has even used a simulator to take off and land the shuttle. "You can't look out the window and tell if you're upside down, because you're in space," Tyler says. "So you have to know by feeling. I was wrong, and I pulled up. It got too hot, the shuttle caught on fire, and we crashed." Uh oh. Joe Perry's bandmate also reveals he came close to taking a trip aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft. "The only reason I passed on it was because of my kids," he says. "I was sitting in a restaurant, and they started crying. 'Daddy, no, no.' But, I was ready. I was so ready."

Even before he's begun shooting here, Martin Scorsese has made a mint on his new movie. "Ashecliffe," the celebrated director's upcoming thriller starring Leonardo DiCaprio, has been sold to several overseas distributors for major money. According to The Hollywood Reporter, TeleMunchen picked up "Ashecliffe" for German distribution for $12 million, which is the most ever paid for an American film in Germany. Meanwhile, Medusa paid $10 million to distribute it in Italy, and Manga's paying as much as $8 million for the rights in Spain. The movie is set to begin filming in Boston soon.

What was Paul Sorvino doing at the International Boston Seafood Show? Business, of course. "I'm not just a pretty face," the movie star told us yesterday. The actor was in town with his Gourmet Maryland Style Crab Cakes and Wild American Shrimp, the latest and greatest that Paul Sorvino Foods Inc. has to offer. "Usually when guys like me do this, all they're doing is licensing their name," said actress Mira Sorvino's old man. "Not me. I wouldn't do anything that doesn't meet my standards or suit my tastes. . . . I like the food business. To Italians, food is family."

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