Defining times for candidates

I was intrigued to see that former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee has joined the ever-growing list of presidential wannabes. Of course a governor from Little Rock can make it to the White House; doubtless Huckabee has many interesting qualifications for the big job.

But there is only one thing worth knowing about Mike Huckabee: In 2003, the morbidly obese governor went on a diet and lost 110 pounds . He used to weigh 300 pounds, and now he looks pretty normal. Yes, that's right. As Jared Fogle is to Subway restaurants , Mike Huckabee is to Decision '08.

Wouldn't it be great if you could know the one interesting thing about a presidential candidate, the quirk or achievement that defines him or her perfectly? It was certainly true, as columnist Robert Kuttner observed, that Bill Clinton arrived at the presidency in 1993 more qualified than any man since Thomas Jefferson. But there was one small trait, a weakness of the flesh, that overshadowed all of his impressive accomplishments. That flaw brought him down.

So what's the revealing detail about, say, Hillary Clinton? The New Republic recently revisited her 1975 attempt to enlist in the US Marine Corps. At age 27, wearing bottle glasses, she presented herself to a recruiter in Arkansas. She recalled: "And he finally said to me, 'You're too old. You can't see. And you're a woman. Maybe the dogs would take you,' " a Marine-like suggestion that she try her chances with the Army.

It's hard to say what this reveals about Hillary, other than her desire to be perceived as pro-military. It's no secret that the former Goldwater girl has a vestigial, conservative bent. If she had joined the Marines, she'd be running the Joint Chiefs of Staff by now, and maybe President George Bush would be winning his war in Iraq. Funny how things don't turn out.

The most interesting fact about former New Mexico governor Bill Richardson, another piece of self-proclaimed presidential timber, is that he was drafted out of Tufts to play professional baseball for the Kansas City Athletics. This turns out to be a factoid -- Norman Mailer's famous coinage for falsehoods widely believed to be true -- and in late 2005, Richardson told the Albuquerque Journal, "After being notified of the situation and after researching the matter . . . I came to the conclusion that I was not drafted by the A's."

Later this year I intend to release a similar statement. "After researching the matter, I have come to the conclusion that I did not win the 1991 Nobel Prize for Literature, as I wrote in a recent column."

Yes, questionable claims reveal much. A spokesman for loon-at-large and presidential wannabe Tom Tancredo has tried to downplay his boss's suggestion that we threaten to bomb Mecca if we discovered an Islamic terrorist plot inside our borders. But let's go to the tape:

Radio interviewer: "You're talking about bombing Mecca?"

Colorado congressman Tancredo: "Yeah."

What's the most revealing fact about former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani? His father served time in Sing Sing prison for an armed robbery committed under another name. So the son becomes a crime fighter extraordinaire, committed to law and order. I have already anticipated your next question : Did Giuliani's rival for the Republican nomination, former Tennessee senator Fred Thompson , ever appear on a "Law & Order" episode with Giuliani's ex-wife, Donna Hanover ? Yes, twice. I do the demanding research so you don't have to.

Speaking of ex-wives, super-long shot and Peter Gallagher look - alike Senator Chris Dodd of Connecticut was once married to fiction writer Susan Dodd. In her 1999 short story "I Married a Space Alien," Ms. Dodd's narrator is an ex political spouse, recalling her former husband's campaign tchotchkes: "His face had even been silk-screened on potholders, tempting me to imagine scalding metals branding his cheeks and nose and chin."

For Senator Joseph Biden, the cosmetic work on his scalp -- hair plugs -- speaks volumes. Senator Barack Obama has made much of his intention to quit smoking, to assuage his libby constituency, I presume. Of course, the scolds are never satisfied. Next he'll have to give up eating doughnuts, agree not appear on talk radio, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I say: Stick with the coffin nails, Barack. It's a weakness of the flesh that won't bring you down. Not for the next decade, at least.

Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.