’The Lone Ranger’

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The Lone Ranger

Ugh. “The Lone Ranger,” Gore Verbinski’s bloated, $250 million western comedy is like watching an elephant tap dance in your living room: Everything gets trampled and the dancing’s not very good.

Armie Hammer plays a bumbling tenderfoot of a Lone Ranger, an Eastern-educated lawyer who unwillingly puts on the mask when bad guys (led by William Fichtner and Tom Wilkinson) threaten his loved ones. Johnny Depp ill-advisedly plays Tonto: The character has been rewritten as the hero’s shrewd, cynical sidekick, but mostly Depp grimaces and shoots off one-liners in Injun-speak. He’s Jack Sparrow on downers, in red-face. The movie tries to justify its expense and endless running time with bigger-than-big action “ride” scenes, but, honestly, you get more bang for your buck at Six Flags.

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