Lucas sends fans to the dark side
"I'm thinking of going to California to find George Lucas, fill his beard with barbecue sauce, and feed him to a Wampa. What could bring about such malice? The fact that only the "special edition" versions of the "Star Wars" trilogy are being released today on DVD. There was a time when I could almost quote all the films start to finish. I dressed up like Darth Vader for Halloween. I thought that if I really tried I could master the Jedi mind trick and get out of homework. I stopped this madness when I decided that I would one day like to kiss a girl (without asking her to put her hair in Princess Leia cinnamon buns).
I was 8 years old in 1977 when my parents took my brother, my sister, and me to see "Star Wars." My sister Kerry liked it, but my brother Mick and I were blown away. My father enjoyed it, but I think he liked seeing how excited we were more than the movie. My mother fell asleep after the credits started, a habit she would continue every time we dragged her to a science fiction or fantasy movie. We saw "Star Wars" at least three times in the theater. Likewise with the sequels, "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi." I can't even count how many times I've seen them on video or television.
The movies that meant so much to me are gone. The DVD collection that comes out today is not the original versions of those films. They are the "special editions" that were released in theaters in 1997 and 1998. Lucas has said he will never release the original versions of the films. He believes that technology has finally caught up with his original vision of the trilogy, so he has tweaked the movies accordingly. His artistic vision is apparently more important than those of us who have loved the films, just as they are, for decades. What's next, George? Going to touch up "American Graffiti" by digitally replacing Suzanne Somers with Joyce DeWitt? When Kurasawa was alive, he didn't go back and monkey with "Hidden Fortress." I'm not a complete purist when it comes to the subject of altering original movies. Many films have been improved by directors' cuts, but some were done right the first time. Want to clear up the print and boost the sound? Fantastic. Think the Death Star needs a bigger explosion? OK, I can live with that -- audiences want a big bang. Want to enhance the look of Cloud City? Right there with you. It's the other changes, the story changes, that irritate me:
Jabba the Hut does not need to be in "Star Wars." What's worse is that the computer-generated Jabba in the special edition makes him look like a hand-drawn clown rather than the character that had menace in "Return of the Jedi." Here is a character that had been mentioned ominously in the first two episodes but not seen until the third. That's good storytelling. It creates a sense of anticipation that pays off with the 3-D Jabba. With Jabba now added to the first film, the tension is deflated. That's bad storytelling.
Greedo shoots first? What? All that does is grind down the edge of Han Solo. Here is a guy -- a smuggler and criminal, by all accounts -- who goes on his own journey of honor and redemption through the trilogy. Him blowing away the potential threat of Greedo gives him a darker place to start, therefore his journey to hero is that much greater. Besides, how in the world could a lime-green, bug-eyed freak like Greedo get the drop on our boy? That's bad storytelling.
The moment after Luke has had his hand cut off and finds out who daddy is, is one of the greatest moments in film history. It is punctuated by Luke's fall in silence. Silence. Not screaming like a child. I can remember holding my breath the entire time the scene played out. It is such a complex moment when young Skywalker lets go, body and spirit broken. The added sound effects do nothing but cheapen it. That's bad storytelling.
Now there's word that Hayden Christensen, the actor who plays Anakin Skywalker in Episodes I and II, has been added to the end of "Return of the Jedi." (Christensen takes the place of the ghostly version of Luke's father, who stands beside Yoda and Obi-Wan, according to reports.) I can't possibly believe that this is true so I'm not going to criticize you for this, George. You'd have to be unstable to even consider something so silly. Isn't that right, George? George?
According to fan review postings on Amazon.com, some of the problems that fans had with the theatrical "special" versions of the trilogy have been corrected in the DVDs. Whether this will be a plus for fans, I don't know. I imagine it will only fuel the fire on both sides of the debate.
The "Star Wars" trilogy was a huge part of my childhood. It is still the ruler by which I judge the heroes and villains from other stories. What it meant to fans such as me apparently has no effect on Darth Lucas. I'm off to find the Wampa's phone number. And don't get me started on Episodes I and II.
