If for some reason you're still hankering for a good Christmas movie, here is a list of rentable options (well, "Eastern Promises" doesn't reach stores until next Wednesday). If you're in the mood for a delinquent Christmas movie or two, those are here. The films are split into two camps. "Naughty" means "unusually irreverent" or just plain-old bad. "Nice" means naïve, classic, or heartwarming. - Ty Burr and Wesley Morris
"MEET JOHN DOE" (1941) Another work of cynical yuletide sentiment from Frank Capra. A freshly fired newspaper reporter (Barbara Stanwyck) concocts the story of a John Doe who's threatening to jump off the roof of city hall on Christmas Eve. The public goes crazy over the letter (they don't want him to die). She gets her job back but has to produce this John and comes up with hunky hobo Gary Cooper, shrewdly gift-wrapped in earnestness. Nice
"EASTERN PROMISES" (2007) From David Cronenberg, a movie dark with the holiday spirit. London midwife Naomi Watts fiercely protects a dead Russian girl's surviving infant. This means getting mixed up with the Russian mob - just in time for Christmas. But the movie gives the woman her wish, and one of the last shots is merry indeed: a surrogate nativity scene. Oh, and the Turkish (blood) bath is a great stocking stuffer, too. Naughty
"BAD SANTA" (2003) Good old Billy Bob Thornton is a con man pretending to be Santa. The offenses and obscenity are piled way up high (a colleague began her review: "a Christmas movie Lenny Bruce could love"). The appeal of Terry Zwigoff's movie endures: It's a scurrilous gem pretending to be a lump of coal. Naughty
"A MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL" (1992) It would take a whole month to watch all the movie versions of Charles Dickens's book. Few are as inspired as having the Muppets go to town on Michael Caine, who plays Ebenezer Scrooge with an amazing straight face. He actually breaks down and cries at the sight of Tiny Tim - as he should, since TT is played by Robin the Frog. Nice
"IT HAPPENED ON 5TH AVENUE" (1947) A movie some old-schoolers rank close to "It's a Wonderful Life" as a Christmas favorite. It's frequently forgotten at this point. The sets are hilariously fake now, but tubby Victor Moore is a wonder as a capital-h Hobo who divides his time squatting between the winter and summer mansions of a millionaire. Nice
"THE LEMON-DROP KID" (1951) Bob Hope plays the Kid, a grifter who has until Christmas Eve to repay a gangster 10 grand. The movie is based on a Damon Runyon story, so it's about as complicated as comedies could be, and the moral - stop scamming, Kid, and have a family - is corny. But when it's funny, it's funny (as Bob Hope in old-lady drag surprisingly is). Plus, this is the movie that brought the world "Silver Bells." Nice
"A CHRISTMAS STORY" (1983) A child's Christmas in Indiana. A modern classic, with just enough cynicism to leaven its sentimentality, and if you've seen it too many times, by all means dig up the original stories by the late, great Jean Shepherd. Nice
"ELF" (2003) The standard by which all subsequent "stoopid" holiday movies will be judged. Will Ferrell plays a human raised as an elf at the North Pole. He's come to New York City for a reunion with his executive father (James Caan). The movie is rambunctious, and - whenever Zooey Deschanel is around as a regular girl playing a department-store elf - disarmingly sweet. Nice
"WHITE CHRISTMAS" (1954) This chestnut was supposed to reunite Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby for more Irving fuzziness. But the script wasn't up to Astaire's standards, so Danny Kaye stepped in. Astaire's His loss. The film brings us the story of two sizzling-hot postwar entertainers, who after a lot of musical numbers and plot wrinkles, fall in love with Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. White Christmas, indeed. Nice
"CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT" (1945) Another postwar holiday bubble bath. This time we've got Barbara Stanwyck as a proto Martha Stewart (she's well-heeled, writes for a housekeeping magazine, and supposedly lives on a Connecticut farm) whose publisher wants her to have a soldier (Dennis Morgan) live on that farm. There's a catch: What farm? Stanwyck has to come up with a ruse and does when the man who's given her lots of marriage proposals agrees to loan her his acreage. This is "Meet John Dope," but, thanks in part to Stanwyck, the idea of the modern woman as domesticity nightmare doesn't seem stale. Nice
"JINGLE ALL THE WAY" (1996) In the last throes of cinematic relevance, the Governator tried his hand at gangbusters capitalist nonsense. The jokes sputter, but there's something touching about seeing Schwarzenegger out of breath, playing action hero in the name of gift procurement and, loosely, comedy. In his defense, he's funnier than costar Sinbad. Naughty
"WHEN HARRY MET SALLY" (1989) Isn't every Nora Ephron picture a holiday movie? Decked halls, fa-la-la melodiousness, with a pinch of nip in the too-sweet eggnog. This comedy, which she wrote and Rob Reiner directed, has a kind of wisdom and lasting bitter cuteness that flares up whenever it snows or a character puts up a Christmas tree. And the last tune, after all, is "Auld Lang Syne." Nice
"BABES IN TOYLAND" (1934) Ah, bumbling bliss: Those proto-Sid and Marty Kroft/borderline-German Expressionist sets, Oliver Hardy's manic pageboy, that climactic march of the wooden soldiers. Hal Roach's production lacked polish but had lots of the kind of modern charm that might have tickled Ernst Lubitsch. Laurel and Hardy snooze together. When creepy Mister Barnaby (a perfectly hammy Henry Brandon) hits on Little Bo Beep (Charlotte Henry), she tells him off. Things never look less than homemade - the whole enterprise might unravel if you tugged on the wrong thread, but even that would have been funny. Nice
"GO" (1999) Doug Liman and John August spin their crime yarn three times around one Los Angeles Christmas Eve. Sarah Polley, at her indie-movie apex, plays a good-girl grocery store clerk who makes the poor choice to do her first drug deal. The film, a very good, ecstasy-laced "Pulp Fiction" knockoff, eventually gets high off its own supply. The behavior, therefore, is not recommended for normal holiday gatherings. But it does put the "ex" in "Xmas." Naughty
"IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" (1946) The Christmas classic that was a flop on its release and only seeped into the pop consciousness through endless TV showings. Yeah, it's heartwarming - for a movie about suicide. Like all the best holiday movies, it goes deep into the dark before merging into the light. Could anyone but Jimmy Stewart have made George Bailey so moving? Nice
"DIE HARD" (1988) Because Santa's not going to save you from a sneering gang of Euro-terrorists on Christmas Eve, no matter how many cookies you leave out. That's a man's job - paging Mr. Macho Elf himself, John McClane (Bruce Willis). Adeste fideles, Mother - -! Naughty
"SCROOGED" (1988) Every generation has its Ebenezer, and the '80s got Bill Murray. A splattery, amusing revamp of Dickens, and we hope whoever hired David Johansen as the Ghost of Christmas Past got a Christmas bonus that year. Naughty
"HOLIDAY INN" (1942) Yep, this is the movie that won Irving Berlin an Oscar for "White Christmas." Yep, Bing Crosby sings and Fred Astaire dances to a bizarre assortment of holiday-themed songs. And, yep, they do Abe Lincoln's birthday in blackface. Naughty
"THE BISHOP'S WIFE" (1947) Lovely if mildly bonkers fable about faith and charity and angels who look like Cary Grant, set around the Christmas season. Leave it to Loretta Young to get the hots for one of God's messengers. Nice
"BLACK CHRISTMAS" (1974) Before director Bob Clark warmed our hearts with "A Christmas Story," he jolted them with this straight-outta-Canada horror cheapie about a killer terrorizing a sorority house over the holidays. Starring Margot Kidder on the early side of the career bell curve. Naughty
"HOME ALONE" (1990) The comedy that prompted thousands of kids to slap their cheeks, scream, and leave booby traps on the basement steps. And talk about a film that captures the modern Christmas zeitgeist: It's a happy-go-lucky farce about an abandoned child. Naughty
"REMEMBER THE NIGHT" (1940) A little-known gem in which Barbara Stanwyck plays a shoplifter brought home for the holidays by DA Fred MacMurray. Written by Preston Sturges and directed by the great Mitchell Leisen, it's both sexy and touching. Nice
"HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS" (2000) Or "How Ron Howard Sucked the Joy out of Dr. Seuss." A crass, noisy, chintzy holiday spectacular in which Jim Carrey shakes his green, hairy man-boobs. The "Grinch" you're looking for was animated by Chuck Jones for TV in 1966. Nice
"MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS" (1944) Judy Garland sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" with an achingly pained awareness of the passage of time. It's the most emotionally naked holiday musical number in the history of the movies and the perfect soundtrack for your seasonal depression. Nice
"THE NATIVITY STORY" (2006) Or: I Was a Teenage Madonna. When you find yourself in times of trouble (say, assembling toys at 2 a.m. on Christmas), let Mother Mary come to you in the graceful, grave form of Keisha Castle-Hughes. It's the matriarchal answer movie to "The Passion of the Christ." Nice
"ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS" (1985): You think "It's a Wonderful Life" is depressing? Here's Mary Steenburgen as a stressed-out mom whose husband robs a bank and accidentally drowns the kids. Then a Christmas angel (Harry Dean Stanton) makes everything better. It's actually a good movie but you'll need to steady yourself with eggnog. Naughty
"SANTA CLAUS" (1959) Forget "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" - this is the worst Christmas movie of all time, and thus essential viewing. Filmed in Mexico, it pits Santa against Satan - ooh, fun with anagrams! - played by a guy in a cheap devil costume. Guest appearance by Merlin the Magician. Naughty
"COMFORT AND JOY" (1984) The ostensible subject of Bill Forsyth's uncannily good comedy is ice cream wars in Glasgow. The setting is Christmas, and a local radio personality (Bill Paterson) finds himself negotiating with the two sides but only because he's got a crush on one of the ice cream truck drivers. Forsyth specializes in real people, and this story has a whiff of the absurd (there's a hilariously sad look-alike contest). You'll laugh. You'll laugh some more. And you'll want to hug everybody you see. Nice 
