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82d Oscars red carpet 7:34 p.m.

Posted by Wesley Morris  March 7, 2010 07:35 PM

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The useless Jay and Guiliana are going crazy over Jennifer Lopez's dress. It's the most beautiful roll of carnation Charmin I've ever seen. Meanwhile, Meryl Streep, wearing what would have been a stunning dress if she'd worn it back when she was a nominee for "Silkwood," just blew Ryan off. His questions were pretty bad. Her dress is dated but cool. I can't blame her. Keanu Reeves and Gabourey Sidibe are having a moment. She fist bumps him, then pulls Woody Harrelson over. She owns that carpet. It's like something out of one of the fantasy sequences in "Precious." The irony makes me tear up. "If fashion was porn," she says, "this dress is the money shot." No one know what to say about her dress. They've never seen a plus-size gown. But she looks great. That's the color Mo'Nique's dress should have been. I think they're both going to win. If Sidibe met even a fourth of the voters, that statue is hers. 

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Ty Burr is a film critic with The Boston Globe.

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