Today's Soundtrack: What Weezer could teach Leno

Americans did have Law & Order. But they don't anymore, Jay Leno. Mariska Hargitay used to solve double homicides in the bad parts of Brooklyn all the way into our slumber. Now we watch you dismantling a Ford Galaxie because you liked it when you were 6.

America liked you because you were relatable. Comedic Nyquil at 11:35 with Jay Leno. Now everyone's awake, you're telling the same jokes, and you're trying to pass off the second segment of your show as the fulfilled dreams of a previously poor and tired one of us.

Here's the thing: even if we did all make it, and we did have a show at 10 on NBC every weekday night, we'd probably put some money away someplace real safe, buy maybe two nice cars, and give the rest of it away. We probably wouldn't have a garage with planes in it. That's all. That's why it's not working.

But there is hope. Here is a parable from the book of poprock. Weezer is coming out with an album called Raditude next week. It has a song called "I'm Your Daddy" on it. It has another called "Can't Stop Partying." There's also a cover of Pokerface from Lady GaGa. If you're still conscious, and you haven't yet punched yourself in the face from reading those titles, then: 1) Congratulations! 2) I can tell you that it hasn't always been like this. Weezer put out the preeminent album of what it was like to be young in the '90s (their self-titled Blue Album).

Their follow-up a few years later, Pinkerton, helped spawn the timbre of indie rock before it was called that. Their 2002 release, Maladroit, was one of the catchiest pop-rock albums of the 2000s. Then lead singer Rivers Cuomo decided to go back to Harvard and complete his degree. It proceeded to suck the brains out of him. He put out these (hopefully) avant-garde, (hopefully) satirical pop songs that MTV and pop stations consumed whole.

Regardless of who you are, you've heard the melody to "Beverly Hills" in at least one CVS while you were buying Q-Tips. Cuomo spends half the song rapping about the lavish life of the swankiest parts of Los Angeles over three chords. The guitar solo is ripped directly out of Kid Rock's trailer. It can't be genuine -- he was an English major at Harvard, remember -- but it also can't be listened to. It's a social experiment gone horribly, horribly right.

Last month, there was the press release for Raditude. It included a single. And it's actually good. It's absolutely pop music, but it doesn't reach down and talk to the stupid. It reaches down to the stupid and asks them to dance.

That's all we're asking of Jay Leno anyway. We may be stupid people, freshly home from work and looking for cheap balloon boy jokes at 10 p.m. But we still want those jokes to be funny.

Pardon the big fish story. A couple of years ago, a film crew from Jay's alma mater, Emerson College, asked him to record a painless, 20-second promo for an awards show they were having. A nice guy, he obliged. He then whipped out this semi-filthy, probably unprintable joke that had the crew doubled over. It spread like a folktalke, as if to say, "Hey, remember that time Jay Leno took a chance?"

He still has it in him. It's just not in his garage.

Today's soundtrack: Weezer - (If You Are Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

Must Read: Joanna Weiss - Jay Leno's S.O.S Matthew Gilbert - You know what? Nevermind. Let it sink.