Onstage, Sheen has nothing to say
Just before 10 last night, as hundreds of disgusted spectators streamed toward the exits at Agganis Arena, Charlie Sheen shouted from the stage: “Wait, don’t leave! I’m not done!’’
But most of them kept right on going, and who could blame them? For nearly 90 minutes they had been subjected to a witless barrage of non sequiturs, non-stories, non-jokes — a non-event, start to finish.
Sheen’s performance in Boston last night continued the strange combination of self-celebration and self-immolation that has characterized the last few months of his life.
Last night’s audience got to watch Sheen sit in a chair and answer questions, with more braggadocio and profanity than wit, about his sex life, his drug troubles, and his hopes of returning to “Two and a Half Men,’’ the high-rated sitcom from which he was fired after launching vitriolic attacks on its executive producer, Chuck Lorre.
Even as Sheen said he wants to return to the show, he couldn’t refrain from claiming “They knew I was hammered for eight years,’’ and asserting: “I got fired because I was having too much . . . fun. And they got . . . jealous. . . . They can’t process me with a normal brain.’’
At one point, a dozen women from the audience paraded onstage as candidates to be Sheen’s third “goddess.’’ (Then Sheen brought out the two women he lives with, whom he calls “the goddesses.’’) He showed a video spoof of his infamous interview on ABC’s “20/20.’’ He also held up a copy of “tonight’s script’’ — a blank notebook.
Occasionally, in a bid to curry favor with the crowd, Sheen struck a note of power-to-the-people populism: “We’re in the middle of a moment, of something a lot bigger than me,’’ “We’re here because we’re all . . . winning.’’ (Though a woman who shouted “Loser!’’ as she stormed up the aisle seemed to disagree.)
At other points, he trotted out a few of Charlie’s Greatest Hits: “Anybody else on a drug called Charlie Sheen? I’m on it all the time.’’
That drug may be losing its potency. When the dreary debacle was finally over, the applause died before Sheen had even left the stage.