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Peter Gammons: The Mitchell Report Song

Posted by Geoff Edgers January 7, 2008 05:20 PM

Andy Pettite's apologized. Roger Clemens has sued. And Peter Gammons has written a song. He performed it at Sunday night's "Hot Stove, Cool Music" event. We've got the lyrics:

THE MITCHELL REPORT

I was a Winnipeg Goldeye for two grand a year
Riding high pollutin' buses to Shaumburg, Illinois
I weighed one sixty three, batted two eighty five
Supporting three kids in Topeka and two ex-wives

Workin' winter midnights, dreamed of getting jacked
Tryin' to hit the ball to the warning track
Bought me a Bowflex, drank thousands of shakes
Got a tryout with a scout who said, "it's only talent you lack."
Talent I lacked

Chorus
"Canseco told Mitchell while on the Exxon Valdez
'I can make you millions, help you throw 93
'Bob Heise'd been Jim Rice if he knew what I know'
And there's never been a low as low as Canseco."

II.
Met a street corner agent made a dive for my dime
Gave me 30 pounds of muscle in ten weeks time
Winstrol, Anadrol, no holds barred
And a T-shirt readin' "hammer like a porn star"

Ten bombs in training camp got me Triple-A
Eight more in April brought me big league quail
One custom Hummer, three dozen suits
With my agent-- now a trainer-- along for the hoot
Along for the hoot

Chorus
Canseco told Mitchell while on the Exxon Valdez
'I can make you millions, help you throw 93
'Bob Heise'd been Jim Rice if he knew what I know'
And there's never been a low as low as Canseco."

III.

Then one day I got a call from Mitchell's henchmen
Seems my name showed up where it shouldn't have been
Now I'm back at the Wal-Mart working midnight to nine
Playing beer league softball in lieu of ten years time
In lieu of ten years time

Chorus
Canseco told Mitchell while on the Exxon Valdez
'I can make you millions, help you throw 93
'Bob Heise'd been Jim Rice if he knew what I know'
And there's never been a low as low as Canseco."

gammo.jpg

Tiffany Ortiz, wife of Red Sox slugger David Ortiz, played the tambourine between guitarists Peter Gammons and Paul Barrere.
(Robert E. Klein for the Boston Globe)

16 comments so far...
  1. crap song peter sorry

    Posted by craig January 7, 08 08:14 PM
  1. Weak Peter - weak. Hopefully Lil' John hooked up the track so you can dance to it.

    Posted by Ann Drostenedion January 7, 08 08:41 PM
  1. Canseco on the Exxon Valdez? With Mitchell?

    Posted by Tim January 7, 08 08:59 PM
  1. Love it. They don't come much lower than Jose

    Posted by Hot Stover January 7, 08 09:10 PM
  1. Peter....Tell them.....As John Mellencamp used to say, " I am a songwriter...Some of this stuff means nothing, but you get my point..." I love the lyrics. And there should be songs written in this time. How cool are you to be the one plucking away and singing Canseco's name?? You are the man!

    Posted by Steve Innis January 7, 08 09:20 PM
  1. Song sucks. Gammons has lost the fastball on and off the field.

    Posted by Peter January 7, 08 10:22 PM
  1. Real bush

    Posted by Jay Ramsey January 7, 08 10:26 PM
  1. Wow, that's embarrassing.

    He's some sort of "journalist," right?

    Posted by deezer January 8, 08 12:02 AM
  1. These sound like the lost verses to "Tombstone Blues"

    Posted by Edmundo January 8, 08 08:34 AM
  1. Gosh, Peter.

    You're such an INSIDER. Yet, you've sat on the steroids stories for years, knowing full well what was going on, and yet, somehow, subverting your true calling as a journalist/reporter in order to...to...come up with drek like the above.

    Quit your day job.

    Oh,wait, you already did.

    PS. how much dough/favors/other information got kicked your way to look the other way the last 20 or so years?

    Posted by Hamilton January 8, 08 10:13 AM
  1. Great question that I'd love to hear Gammons try to answer. I especially enjoyed him talking about how good of a person Brian Roberts was and how he wouldn't take PED's and the next Roberts has a press conference and admits he did.

    Question is, if the BWAA is going to keep Mac, Clemens, and Bonds out of the Hall for juicing, when can we kick Gammons out of the Hall for turning his back when the evidence was right in front of him?

    Posted by Kyle January 8, 08 02:25 PM
  1. Wow,

    Peter its time to step aside. You were once a great baseball writer. You got too close, and decided not to report on the steroid issue as it unfolded right in front of you. Peter you did the game and the fans you serve a huge disservice and that's how i will remember you. Your song was horrible by the way.

    Posted by Jeff January 8, 08 05:08 PM
  1. How can Gammons continually bash Canseco when so much of what he's said has been proven to be true? It's like he's playing damage control for MLB's rep. He's lost a lot of credibility in my book. It's shameful how he portrays Canseco as the bad guy when he's one of the only ones who seems to be upfront about it. Sure he ratted people out, but they had to be doing something wrong in the first place to be worried about that happening.

    Posted by veryfine January 8, 08 06:14 PM
  1. it's a joke, please, you guys sound like bitter musicans who couldn't get past tt's on tuesday night....shouldn't you be on the noise board.....

    Posted by phil mckraken January 8, 08 08:34 PM
  1. Creative and cool...just like the best journalist in baseball, which he is.

    Posted by Cool Music January 9, 08 11:16 AM
  1. As his interview with A-Rod proved, Gammons has become way too comfortable with his wealth and fame. Moreover, Selig is on his speed dial.
    I hate to use the word, but Gammons is a h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-e. Canseco's the bad guy, but he wouldn't write or report what he knew about other users.

    Posted by Fermo Canoptyiup February 9, 09 05:37 PM
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About Exhibitionist Geoff Edgers covers arts news for The Boston Globe..
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