Honeymoon's over for 'Newlyweds'
MTV's surprise -- and surprisingly entertaining -- hit "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica," returns tomorrow at 10 p.m. for its second season. And though I'll probably watch, I already have the feeling the show just won't be as good.
Wasn't that the case with MTV's "The Osbournes," which essentially created the peculiar reality-show subgenre of celebrity-family sitcom when it premiered in March 2002? If the endless cussing, sibling squabbles, and non-housebroken dogs in the Beverly Hills homestead of Ozzy and Sharon seemed unpredictable and amusing in its first season, its sophomore year was quite something else.
After becoming the highest-rated series in MTV's history, "The Osbournes" quickly grew tired because we had already seen everything they had to offer. Worse still, much of that season played as a reaction to their newfound fame, such as Kelly's "singing" career and Ozzy and Sharon's visit to the White House Correspondents Dinner. It robbed the show of its once-appealing "they're just regular folks" banality.
Don't expect things to be any different for the no-longer-newly-wed "Newlyweds," singers Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.
In its inaugural season, the delicious shock of the show was watching a young couple blindly stumbling and bumbling their way to something that didn't quite resemble wedded bliss. For all the lavishness of their fairy-tale wedding, the day-to-day reality of married life was considerably less precious and awe-inspiring.
Even more entertaining was Lachey's stunned realization that he may have married the dumbest woman ever. Each week, Simpson -- once famously confused as to whether tuna brand Chicken of the Sea is actually chicken or fish -- proved she was scarily dense about anything more complex than Louis Vuitton accessories.
Never has unscripted stupidity proved so profitable. Within weeks of the premiere, Lachey and Simpson suddenly found themselves in the middle of a blitzkrieg of fame that dwarfed anything they had achieved during their underwhelming pop careers. Simpson, once only recognizable as the blond teen-pop singer who wasn't Britney Spears, was quickly inundated with film, TV, and endorsement offers. And after Lachey's break with bland boy band 98 Degrees, his solo career soon received more attention than anything on his wan little album "SoulO" deserved.
It seemed as if the couple, with their miniscule body fat and toothpaste-commercial smiles, were everywhere -- morning talk shows, CNN's "Larry King Live," and every magazine cover except Ebony.
Now, after becoming America's favorite young couple (that's what one breathless magazine article claimed), Lachey and Simpson return for round two. And they'll carry on with the misguided conceit that they know exactly what viewers want from them.
So there will be many more brain-dead observations from Simpson, except they won't be as funny because they won't be natural and spontaneous. For instance, last year, as Lachey talked about a dead mouse stiffened by rigor mortis, Simpson, who'd never heard of the term, said, "Rigor who?" This season, she'll purposely pull "a Jessica," which has quickly become a pop reference for a stupid remark.
Her smarmy father-manager (not necessarily in that order) Joe Simpson has already seized a chance to capitalize on his daughter's ditziness by trying to arrange a Simpson tour of Ivy League schools, including Harvard. Having Simpson host a question-and-answer session at one of the world's great academic institutions was inspired by the hit Reese Witherspoon film "Legally Blonde," he told MTV News in October. If it happens, no doubt it will be filmed for MTV.
Simpson has already spoofed her dopiest reality-TV moments in the video for her latest single, "With You." What was novel is now just another marketing prospect.
Success spoiled "The Osbournes," and so shall it be with "Newlyweds." Unlike other reality shows that manage to stay somewhat interesting because of their revolving participants, on "Newlyweds," we already know Simpson's a dope and a slob and Lachey is cheap and a neat freak.
If the show's success last year caught most folks off guard, then no one should be surprised when viewership inevitably dips this season as "Newlyweds" returns once more, but with less feeling.
Renee Graham's Life in the Pop Lane column appears on Tuesdays. She can be reached at graham@globe.com.
