'CSI: NY' practices sullen science

McDonald's sells the same food in Las Vegas, Miami, and New York. Yes, this is a review of the new "CSI" series, "CSI: NY," the third CBS storefront to guarantee an hourlong serving of very cool science. On every "CSI" menu: Extreme contusion close-ups, surprising dress-fiber analyses, and fantastic voyages through the circulatory systems of dead people. When a detective at a "CSI" outlet utters the word "brain," you can be sure you're about to catch a glimpse of someone's cerebral noodle kugel.

And in the first episode of "CSI: NY," which premieres tonight at 10 on Channel 4, there is plenty of grisly cadaver examination, as we study the clues left by a careful serial killer. There's also a miraculous computerized location search based on only an indistinct photo and a map of the skyline. While each of the "Law & Order" series is steeped in a different aspect of crime-solving, the "CSI" shows all have the same basic MO: high-tech hunting, DNA swabs, and bloody globs.

That means each of them has to distinguish itself by its location and its detectives. And that's where "CSI: NY" is a big disappointment, even if you're a diehard fan of the "CSI" formula. It's a groggy, overly atmospheric, and grim series that works much too hard to evoke "the city that never sleeps." While the original "CSI" is ripe with Las Vegas neon, and "CSI: Miami" is all bright daylight pastel to eerily contrast the brutal homicides, the "CSI: NY" palette is gray and dull blue. The show's urban gloom is inescapable, turning the viewer into a prisoner of its tedious, cold colors.

And the lead performance by Gary Sinise, as Detective Mack Taylor, is equally heavy and flat. Mack is blue, literally and figuratively. Sinise rarely rises above a hard, monotone whisper to emphasize his depression (which is explained in one of the series' most unfortunate twists). Melina Kanakaredes isn't much better as his partner, Detective Stella Bonasera, who is reduced to the role of fretting anxiously about Mack and his brooding. "You're working yourself to the ground," she says, a tiresome collection of curls and compassion. The rest of the crew is fairly nondescript, as Sinise dominates the premiere.

Will viewers flock to "CSI: NY," despite its shortcomings? This is one of the new season's big programming questions (along with whether "The O.C." will survive on Thursday nights). In a confident move, CBS has scheduled the show opposite "Law & Order," NBC's stalwart hit and the founding member of TV's other big franchise. In one corner, the enervating newcomer, in the other, the aging veteran. Like a McDonald's across from a Burger King, the two New York crime dramas will duke it out to see who'll have the highest number of millions served.

Matthew Gilbert can be reached at gilbert@globe.com.