ABC's 'Wife' is divorced from real life

ABC's "Wife Swap" has gained a reputation as the classy version of the successful UK original. That's because Fox further dumbed-down the same concept for its own "Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy," then beat ABC to the air. The network of "The Littlest Groom" is never the bridesmaid.

But really, there's nothing especially classy about "Wife Swap," which starts its regular run tonight at 10 on Channel 5. It's another fake, state-of-the-art reality show that concocts a volatile situation, then edits the fireworks into something like a plot arc. For all its sociological potential as it zeroes in on the extreme class distinctions among American families, the show never rises above formulaic reality TV. From the petty catfights and cheesy narration to the "rules-change ceremony," it's all too predictable.

The idea is that two extremely different women trade homes and families for two weeks. In the first week, they abide by their new family's habits regarding meals, curfews, housekeeping, and spending. In the second week, they set their own household rules. There is no sexual swapping, just in case we thought the show had no scruples.

Tonight, a wealthy Upper East Side wife switches with a blue-collar wife from New Jersey. One has four nannies; the other chops her own wood. Naturally, they're uncomfortable in each other's lives, which the show reiterates throughout the hour. Of course, lessons are learned in the last few minutes of each episode, and each family is altered forever for the better.

It's all obvious and redundant -- like watching English subtitles on an English-language movie. The big culture clash gets hammered home again and again in each episode, until the happy ending. It's not much more complex than "Green Acres" or "The Beverly Hillbillies." In an ABC sneak preview on Sunday night, wife A was a "control freak" with an "anally retentive husband" and an "obsessively tidy family," as the narrator explained. Wife B, on the other hand, was "flamboyant and noisy" and rarely found time to clean up the excrement from her 25 pets. Guess what? Each woman wreaked havoc with the other's family, and then each family learned something from the new mom. Book closed on yet another reality fable.

And this kind of reality denouement is truly a fable. In a documentary about the country's great financial and cultural divide, the ending would probably not be quite as soothing.

Wife Swap
On: ABC, Channel 5
Time: Tonight, 10-11