Take these shows and shove them
First of all, let me point out that I love my job. (And my boss.) Second of all, let me point out that I hate the Rev. Al Sharpton's dopey "I Hate My Job." The similarly themed "The Rebel Billionaire: Branson's Quest for the Best" doesn't inspire much more affection. Despite the mellow stylings of Virgin tycoon Richard Branson, whose windblown man-of-adventure hair is the yin to Donald Trump's yang, "Rebel" is without a cause to exist.
Tonight, these two new series join the growing genre of go-go reality TV, which asks attractive young people to do stupid things to improve their careers and become Tom Wolfe-ian "masters of the universe," or at least happy from 9 to 5. Trump's "The Apprentice," now in its second season, is the great-granddaddy of these shows, having bred a gaggle of clones in the blink of a TV programmer's eye. The success of "The Apprentice" has proved that viewers don't just want to watch people fall in love on TV ("The Bachelor"), or pet in hot tubs ("The Real World") and then perhaps drink hot-tub water ("Fear Factor") on TV; they also want to watch job interviews on TV, especially if the applicants go nuts and get humiliated and "fired."
"The Rebel Billionaire," on Channel 25 at 8 p.m., self-consciously sets itself up to be the anti-"Apprentice." Early on, as the 16 contestants wait to meet Branson, a Trump impersonator emerges from a limousine with something akin to a broom on his head. But it's a reality ruse! Branson himself then gets out of a humble cab, a symbolic statement that he's not from the same cold and pretentious business world as the Donald. He paints himself as a sensitive and experiential boss, one who wants to look his players in the eye and give them a sincere pep talk before kicking them out of the game and stomping on their dreams in front of millions.
Of course, Branson has to be something of a Trumpian egomaniac. To create a show about your own massive success and surround yourself with a group of hungry and smarmy courtiers is certainly not modest. On "Rebel Billioniaire," it's meet the new-age boss, same as the old boss. Rich man Mark Cuban of ABC's "The Benefactor" faced the same contradiction, promoting his just-folks nature while playing a ruthless god with "ordinary people."
Tonight, Branson takes half his players 10,000 feet high in a hot-air balloon, then has them cross to another balloon on a plank. Somehow, their success at this "Fear Factor"-like stunt is meant to reveal their qualifications to run Branson's Virgin empire, supposedly the show's big prize. At least on "The Apprentice," Trump judges its contestants on business-related exercises. If having tea in midair were all it took to be a magnate, Virgin would probably be run by Mary Poppins.
Sharpton isn't exactly a role model on "I Hate My Job," unless the show's eight contestants are aspiring blowhards who want to spout catch phrases such as "Dinner at 8, and I don't like to wait" and "Life is like a basketball game: You dribble, you take your shots."
On the show, which premieres on Spike at 9 p.m., Sharpton coaches eight men who are competing to win career makeovers. Frank shovels manure but wants to be a male model, Jim is a lawyer who wants to be a comedian, Chuck is a handyman who wants to be a hockey coach, and so on. Will Sharpton be able to liberate them from their workaday misery? They're such a bunch of dolts, it's hard to root for them.
Matthew Gilbert can be reached at gilbert@globe.com.
The Rebel Billionaire: Branson’s Quest for the Best
On: Fox, Channel 25. Tonight, 8-10
I Hate My Job
On: Spike. Tonight, 9-10
