Show made noise, not memories
Last night saw lots of typical Grammy grandstanding, as the show strained to create oh-so-legendary moments. Alas, most of the efforts were as unsteady as Chris Martin's voice.
Gorillaz' opening once again proved animated characters don't belong in live settings. Speaking of cartoons, Madonna entered the scene like a leggy Wonder Woman in a purplish bathing-suit-type-thing, with a Farrah bang framing her increasingly narrow face. Her hectic ''Hung Up" began in choreographic chaos, though it managed to finish up with a few nice Village People moves. The pointless pairing was Grammy stunting that sounds like fun in press releases, but isn't.
The much-hyped tribute to Sly & the Family Stone was a jumbled nightmare. It was a messy collision of stars, as artists leapt on stage to sing in a medley and then quickly split. There was Joss Stone, taller than tall; there was Fantasia not sounding as good as she can; there was Randy Jackson looking too proud on bass; there were Steven Tyler and Joe Perry not registering; and, finally, there was Sly himself, looking bowed and rather broken in his white Mohawk. The microphones weren't working very well, which was a blessing.
How to do justice to the Kanye West and Jamie Foxx performance? For some reason, they staged and costumed ''Gold Digger" as if it were a halftime parade at a college football game between K.W. State and J.F.U. Or something like that. The segment brought to mind an amateur production of ''The Music Man," until the half-clad cheerleaders arrived, that is. It was big and brash and boring.
Ellen DeGeneres is just so dear. What other presenter wouldn't seem too-too clever by saying, ''Our next performer needs no introduction," and then simply withdrawing from the stage? And then Paul McCartney appeared in his first-ever Grammy performance. No kidding. ''I finally passed the audition," he joked, delivering a stodgy version of ''Fine Line" and a flashy ''Helter Skelter." Sure, McCartney's OK to watch, but drummer Abe Laboriel Jr. was a visual windfall. You remember him -- the guy with the wide-wider-widest mouth. McCartney later returned to the stage for ''Yesterday," with Jay-Z (who wore a John Lennon T-shirt) and Linkin Park. Miming the words in the manner of an old crooner, McCartney looked suspiciously like Bing Crosby next to his younger counterparts. The merger of artists was peculiar.
U2 and Mary J. Blige singing ''One" was a peak. It came after a rocking version of ''Vertigo" and still managed to stand proud. Mary doesn't have a great voice; but she's got a big voice, and big drama. By the end of the song, she was stamping her long legs passionately on the stage, and on our hearts.
As presenters, Alicia Keys and Stevie Wonder were all that. Their flirtatious banter was sweet, and their a cappella ''Higher Ground" dedicated to Coretta Scott King was rousing. The dignity ended quickly, though, when a tearful Kelly Clarkson went to collect her pop-vocal statue from them. She ushered teenybopper hysteria back to the stage with her high-pitched acceptance. But she was cute enough, and her later rendition of ''Because of You" wasn't bad.
Is Bruce Springsteen ever not riveting? His performance of ''Devils and Dust" was classic, and very early Bob Dylan. Without so much as moving his hips, he generated intensity and spark, spitting out his lyrics so that we just had to hang on each line. ''And tonight faith just ain't enough," he sang, ending the song with a sober call: ''Bring 'em home."
Didn't Gwen Stefani look perfectly Flintstone-esque in her primitive gown? All she needed was a bone in her bun. She was as charming and cheery as ever, and visibly pregnant, too, as she and Billie Joe Armstrong presented best rock album to U2. Yes, the same U2 that was probably the bane of Mariah Carey's existence last night.
