'American Inventor' stirs the Edison in everyone
Many of us are closet Edisons. We have those light bulb moments, when an invention idea pops into our heads and we're positive it will make us millions. Recently, a friend came up with ''Cheese Go-Rounds," slices of cheese shaped into large zeroes to fit perfectly atop bagels. Think of the convenience! Plus, they'd end the tragedy of cheese over the center hole, which now melts down into eternity, and onto our toaster ovens. Why, it's brilliant.
And so many of us will enjoy checking out other people's ideas on ''American Inventor," the new 10-part series produced by ''American Idol" judge Simon Cowell. The ABC show, tonight at 8 on Channel 5, is a TV contest designed to weed through thousands of nuts and dolts to find the country's next great inventor. And it may well capture an avid audience despite stiff competition from the other networks. Despite all its contrived reality melodrama, ''American Inventor" features a steady stream of entertainingly kooky and cool creations.
The show is modeled -- sometimes too closely -- after ''American Idol." Tonight's episode follows the preliminary auditions, and so the four judges sit through pitches for pointless mechanisms and possible blockbusters. (Later in the series, the public will vote for the winner, who will get a million dollars. Like Paula, Randy, and Simon, they sigh with fatigue, they roll their eyes in annoyance, and they well up with enthusiasm. One psychologist-inventor introduces what she calls a ''Tizzy Tube," a plastic contraption for kids who misbehave. Her goal: to de-stigmatize punishment. The judges' reaction: disgust with hints about child abuse. The lady is driven to tears.
When the would-be inventors deliver hokey pitches, the judges laugh and groan in response. For instance, one man displays his easy apple picker with a takeoff on the talking trees from ''The Wizard of Oz," costumes and all. Groan. Naturally, there is a judge with a British accent -- that would be UK businessman Peter Jones -- and he and the others scorn the fools. At the same time, they can be cheerleaders on occasion. Tonight, judge and marketing guru Mary Lou Quinlan is moved to supportive tears by a man who presents an exercise system that he spent $100,000 to create. Looks like Quinlan is going to be the Paula.
The unfortunate part of ''American Inventor" is the hyped-up drama, which turns a simple ingenuity competition into something where, as the narrator tells us, ''futures will be decided." This isn't just a shot in the dark for a bunch of would-be inventors. The competitors are chasing the American Dream -- ''dream" is definitely the most oft-used word on the show -- and they've given up their children's college funds, their marriages, and their homes in the process. While ''American Inventor" doesn't manipulate us as willfully as a do-good reality series such as ''Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," it certainly does try to yank a few emotional strings.
The series also tries to make itself into something of a national savior. As judge and inventor Doug Hall tells us, ''We've got to reignite the spirit of invention in America. If we don't, in five years we're all going to be working for the folks in India and China."
But wade through the exaggeration, and you'll find a ''Bladder Buddy" enabling men and women to urinate in public, a ''Space-Beetle Utopia" for pet insects, and edible-snow-globe cookie kits presented by a woman who looks and sings like Dolly Parton. These and the many other groovy notions are the show's real stars, even if they're nothing compared to the sheer genius of ''Cheese Go-Rounds."
Matthew Gilbert can be reached at gilbert@globe.com. 
