The documentaries follow Celine Dion (at her final Las Vegas show last month) onstage and off.
She's got a talk show, she's got a magazine, she's got a book club, and she got "The Color Purple" to Broadway. Now Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of All Media, has a TV network, thanks to Discovery Communications, which last week announced that it would convert its health channel into OWN - the Oprah Winfrey Network. Debuting in 2009, the network promises "to entertain, inform, and inspire people to live their best lives." All those hours aren't going to fill themselves, and you can only air "The Women of Brewster Place" so many times, so here are a few of our programming suggestions:
"Anything You Can Do" Oprah and best friend Gayle tour America, "Dirty Jobs"-style, trying their hands at other people's professions. See them be nightclub bouncers. See them answer phones. See them churn butter.
"O, Snap!" Look out Nick Cannon! Out of the way, Wilmer Valderrama! Oprah can tell a mean "yo' momma" joke, too. Every week, she and her posse (Gayle, Phil, Barack) will take all comers and dis them hard. In week one Oprah squares off against John Travolta and the cast of "Hairspray."
"The Color Pimple" A beauty segment in which women learn how to hide unwanted blemishes or celebrate the ones they can't get rid of.
"Jump This Couch" In this game show, contestants run an obstacle course through the "The Oprah Winfrey Show" set. Prizes include copies of "Dianetics" and DVDs of "Lions for Lambs" and "Battlefield Earth." Plus free personality tests for everyone in the audience.
"Roots (Are Showing)" Tired of that DNA-generated family-roots business, Oprah does a hair show. Every week she, her girlfriends, and maybe you sit around and talk extensions, weaves, and relaxers. In week one, special guest Beyoncé takes us to the places to buy the best hair. Later in the episode we see it installed.
"Gayle King Needs a Man" Tila Tequila is so over. This sizzling dating show has you-know-who's best gal pal looking for true love. Oprah assembles the finest male specimens of all races and occupations to woo her friend. They wine her, dine her, and say they love that laugh of hers. But Gayle worries that no one measures up.
"You Get a Car!" A weekly automotive giveaway show (of mostly Pontiacs) with Oprah knocking on random doors, barging in, and yelling "You get a car!" to whoever's home.
"Frey's Anatomy" Repurposed from Discovery Health, a writer is dissected into a million little pieces.
"Mornings With McCarthy" Cormac McCarthy hosts this laconic gabfest for very early risers.
"Oprah's Book Club Theater" Tyler Perry adapts book-club productions and directs them in America's communities. In episode one, Perry and a class of Beverly Hills middle schoolers stage Jonathan Franzen's "The Corrections."
"The Biggest Loser . . . Gainer . . . Loser . . . Gainer . . . Loser . . ." Bob Greene hosts this fitness show, which explains why yo-yo dieting is actually good for your health.
"You Don't Say?" Never heard of the Container Store? Neither has Oprah. This show will enlighten billionaires and poor folks alike by introducing viewers to everyday items, people, and places.
"Wizard of Oz" Pay attention to the man behind the scrubs as Dr. Mehmet Oz goes on a fantastic voyage to find parts of the human anatomy that look gross outside our bodies and that Oprah will comically refuse to touch.
"Steadman Walking" Former Court TV producers investigate what Oprah's beau does when he's not by her side at red-carpet events or scarfing down those special paninis.
"Oprah Winfrey Presents: Oprah Winfrey's Film Version of Oprah Winfrey's Stage Version of Alice Somebody's 'The Color Purple' "
Compiled by Wesley Morris, Sarah Rodman, Matthew Gilbert, Joanna Weiss, and Scott Heller.
© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company.
