'Cradle' rocks to twin obsessions of celebrity and family dysfunction
Is music in the genes?
We can answer that question in three words: Frank Sinatra Jr. Or two: Carnie Wilson.
Apples fall far, far from the tree when it comes to musical talent, which for better or worse is one reason why MTV's "Rock the Cradle" is such a winning reality-show recipe. The program pits the progeny of famous artists both credible (Eagles guitarist Joe Walsh) and C-list (Al B. Sure!) against each other in a weekly singing competition, and suffice it to say the cringe factor - the basis of any reality show worth its morally perverse salt - is hefty.
But somehow it's more gripping watching Eddie Money's pampered spawn Jesse blow a song (and get chewed out on camera by her dad) than some poor shlub from nowheresville on "American Idol." When Landon Brown received low scores from the judges during the show's April 3 debut, his father, Bobby, didn't protest. "I love him," said Brown, who earlier in the show confessed to being an absentee father and feeling fiercely competitive with his oldest son. "It doesn't matter what he does." Ouch. "Rock the Cradle" is no mere talent contest; this is a celebrity psychodrama.
The show unfolds "Idol" style, interspersing interview and rehearsal footage with live performances in front of a panel of judges, the television audience, and - this is the best part - the parents, who are corralled in a VIP section looking on in pride, in silent prayer, or (in the case of Olivia Newton-John watching her daughter Chloe Rose Lattanzi mangle INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart") wearing a frozen smile that conceals real horror.
The unifying theme on the first episode wasn't an artist or an era, but material that represented the contestants' relationship with the famous parent. Money sang "When I'm Gone." Brown sang "Crazy." These are case studies in song selection. But the kids are not all musical train wrecks. Lucy Walsh rightly received the night's top rating from the judges and is immune from the voting public's boot. Crosby Loggins, son of Kenny, turned in a professional, if awfully manicured, rendition of Nick Lowe's "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding", which was misidentified as an Elvis Costello song. (Costello had the hit, but shouldn't MTV get songwriting credits right?)
Honestly, though, most of these kids wouldn't make it past the first round of "Idol" tryouts. They're not glissando-generating singing machines, which frankly is a breath of fresh air. The judges seem to agree. Batty Belinda Carlisle, the singer from the Go-Go's, hands out 9.5's like candy, and wide-eyed stylist June Ambrose and choreographer Jamie King just want to be loved. Only lawyer/manager/Britney-handler Larry Rudolph delivers level-headed and occasionally harsh critiques.
Even though there's a record deal waiting for the winner, greatness isn't really the point. It's certainly not the main entertainment value of "Rock the Cradle," not compared to watching Landon Brown reminisce about the neighborhood kids dressing up as his dad at Halloween - in a prison uniform. Rather, the show combines celebrity obsession, family dysfunction, voyeurism, and some songs in the reality-TV blender. Will a star pop out? Probably not. Will we get our fix? Definitely.
Joan Anderman can be reached at anderman@globe.com. For more on music, visit boston.com/ae/music/blog.
