Upfronts: ABC

No dog and pony show today, but I am privy to the highlights of the new ABC schedule. It includes no fewer than 11 new series, most of them sounding fairly derivative. If NBC was banking on sci-fi yesterday, ABC seems to be stuck in relationship mode, with a special emphasis on male bonding. Here they are, in no particular order:

"Sam I Am." Otherwise known as "My Name Is Sam." A sitcom in which Christina Applegate plays a woman who loses her memory, regains her memory, discovers that she was not a very nice person, and decides to make amends.

"Private Practice." Or, "My Name is Addison." The much-ballyhooed "Grey's Anatomy" spinoff, featuring a group of whiny doctors in Los Angeles.

"Eli Stone." Or, "My Name is Shark." High-powered lawyer, played by Jonny Lee Miller, develops aneuryism, gets hallucinations, may or may not have a higher calling.

"Dirty Sexy Money." Or, "My Name is 'Dynasty.'" Peter Krause plays a lawyer to a conniving family led by Donald Sutherland.

"Pushing Daisies." Or, "My Name is Persephone." Because we've exhausted all sorts of psychic/hallucinatory ways for our investigators to speak to the dead, we now get a guy named Ned who can actually raise the dead. He also raises his dead ex-girlfriend, but he can't touch her or else she dies again. Creepy.

"Cavemen." Or, "My Name is Geico."

"Big Shots." Or, "Desperate Corporate Guys." Michael Vartan, Dylan McDermott, Joshua Malina and Christopher Titus play CEO buddies with woman complications.

"Cashmere Mafia." Or, "Desperate Sex & The City Clone." It's hard to imagine how this isn't the same show as NBC's "Lipstick Jungle," based on the Candace Bushnell novel about powerful, sexy, neurotic fortysomething women. This one, starring Lucy Liu, is produced by Darren Star, who created the HBO series based on that previous Bushnell book. Got it?

"Women's Murder Club." Or, "Desperate Detectives." Once, there were four angels in San Francisco: A detective, a medical examiner, a district attorney, and a reporter. They solved crimes, and also happened to be sexy and neurotic.

"Carpoolers." Or, "Desperate Commuters." A sitcom about four men who bond while driving to and from work.

"Miss/Guided." Or, "Desperate High." Woman returns to her alma mater as a guidance counselor. Fellow teachers flirt.

There's also a reality series, "Oprah's Big Give," in which people compete to give away tons of money to needy causes. Hey, who am I to argue?

And the schedule is:

MONDAY:
8:00 p.m. "Dancing with the Stars"
9:30 p.m. "Sam I Am" (new comedy series)
10:00 p.m. "The Bachelor"

TUESDAY:
8:00 p.m. "Cavemen" (new comedy series)
8:30 p.m. "Carpoolers" (new comedy series)
9:00 p.m. "Dancing with the Stars the Results Show"
10:00 p.m. "Boston Legal"

WEDNESDAY:
8:00 p.m. "Pushing Daisies" (new drama series)
9:00 p.m. "Private Practice" (new drama series)
10:00 p.m. "Dirty Sexy Money" (new drama series)

THURSDAY:
8:00 p.m. "Ugly Betty"
9:00 p.m. "Grey's Anatomy"
10:00 p.m. "Big Shots" (new drama series)

FRIDAY:
8:00 p.m. "MEN IN TREES"
9:00 p.m. "Women's Murder Club" (new drama series)
10:00 p.m. "20/20"

SATURDAY:
8:00 p.m. "Saturday Night College Football"

SUNDAY:
7:00 p.m. "America's Funniest Home Videos"
8:00 p.m. "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
9:00 p.m. "Desperate Housewives"
10:00 p.m. "Brothers & Sisters"

“Cashmere Mafia,” “Notes from the Underbelly” and “October Road” will premiere after “Dancing with the Stars” and “The Bachelor” conclude their fall seasons.