'Dancing:' The parade of sequins begins

"Dancing With The Stars" is on again, and when you add it to "American Idol," you get a decent amount of mostly-wholesome entertainment on the networks every week. What is this country coming to? I'll admit that I don't feel "Dancing" quite the same as I do "Idol," owing perhaps to the trying-too-hard vibes I get from co-host Samantha Harris and the supercaffeinated judges. (I'll take Tom Bergeron. He does cheesy like he feels it, and he means it.)

Still, every time I watch this show, I'm impressed. It's clear that celebrities want to be here -- even the ones you'd think would be far haughtier. They work hard, wear blinding costumes, and wave their jazz hands. Which leads me to a new theory about why men usually win. Yes, the guys have to do less heavy lifting, dancing-wise (since they do the heavy lifting, while their partners take on the bulk of the fancy footwork). But they also have the bigger psychological challenge. It's not hard to find a girl who's dreamed, since childhood, of dressing in sequins and twirling around in front of a national audience. Little boys? Not so much. I mean, some of them do, but the ones who grow up to be defensive ends and racecar drivers don't tend to admit it. The audience knows they're making a leap, and appreciates.

My assessment of the men so far? Penn Jillette is the elephant in the room, though I hope he gets some love for his stage dive. To Jason Taylor, the Miami Dolphin, I say c'mon, man, throw yourself into this. If Tom Brady can make a come-hither face while water gets poured on his head, you can pretend you like to dance.

Cristian de la Fuente? Yes, I know the judges complained about his shoulders. But the women of America were not looking at his shoulders. Adam Carolla flitted around the stage as if he were dancing on his tippy toes. Mario can move - appearing in hip-hop videos will do that for you. (Cough. Ringer.) And Steve Guttenberg wins the J. Peterman Award for Charming Middle-Aged Man With A Decent Shot at the Popular Vote.

Now, on to the ladies. Myself, I'm gunning for Goth Priscilla Presley.