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'Mad Men': A dim view of marriage

Email|Link|Comments (12) Posted by Joanna Weiss October 27, 2008 09:13 AM

Not to rain on the "Mad Men" parade -- because I do agree with Matthew that this season of the AMC series has been rich, thought-provoking, and beautifully-wrought -- but I woke up this morning with a naggingly bad feeling about last night's finale. (And yes, it says quite a bit about a show if it makes you wake up feeling anything.) It wasn't about the Peggy storyline; I loved the fact that, on the eve of potential doom, she made her grand confession to the relevant party. I was even a bit sad that Pete, who has grown up a fair amount this season, had to face the consequences of his actions at such a vulnerable moment.

No, my problem was with the Don-Betty reunion, presented wistfully but hopefully at the Ossining kitchen table. I certainly don't want their unborn child to be born to a broken home, but I also don't see what either of them gains from being together -- and, apart from the mere illusion of a happy nuclear family, I don't understand what makes Don keep returning to their relationship. Most of the characters on this show are deeply, deeply flawed, but still show some redeeming qualities, whether a deep work ethic (Peggy, Pete), a sense of humor (Roger), a steadfast resilience (Joan). At times, we can want to throttle them, but we find something to care about, too.

Betty, by contrast, has only grown less likable over time. Other than that sense of overwhelming sadness, which more and more often manifests itself as meanness, she has no discernable personality traits, no independent ambitions, no sense of joy. I've often wondered whether this is a flaw of January Jones' portrayal, or whether she has perfectly embodied a character who happens to be the human embodiment of coldness. Yes, Betty has grown less helpless this season; I was proud of her when Don told her he was sorry for what had happened and she coolly asked, "What happened?" -- demanding a better confession. And Don certainly has not treated her remotely well. Still, the contrast between his demeanor at Anna Draper's house in California -- where he seemed tired, but relaxed and free -- and his stiff, rote confessional mode back in New York made me wonder whether there's hope for this pair at all, and why we ought to be putting their relationship on a pedestal.

At any rate, this show offers one of the darker, more cynical views of marriage that I've ever seen on television. Nearly every pairing we've seen this season -- Don and Betty, Pete and Trudy, Sal and his wife, Joan and her fiance, Roger and Mona -- aren't partnerships in the least. They're more like cold business arrangements between self-interested parties (Mergers, perhaps. Hmm.), and they look to be ultimately doomed. The only pairing that gives me hope, oddly enough, is the link between Roger and Jane: He loves her for her poetry-in-bed-writing self. She actually makes him happy, as opposed to satisfied. Again, I don't mean to argue for divorce or broken homes, but shouldn't this be the sort of relationship Don aspires to, as well?

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12 comments so far...

"apart from the mere illusion of a happy nuclear family, I don't understand what makes Don keep returning to their relationship"

That's because Don's life *is* an illusion. He lives his life by meta-fiction.

Posted by reindeergirl October 27, 08 11:10 AM

I would do Don. He is Hot !!!!

Posted by Pepper October 27, 08 12:56 PM

Dick Whitman is surely not a simple person. Neither is Betty. She must sense that Don hides crucial information from her.

Dick (who is only "playing" Don) is probably most compelled to tell Betty about his real past and he has to live a life of artifice, outward calm and structure in the home and at the office. The goal of having to live up to expectations is putting a strain on Betty and Don both individually and as a couple. He has more to lose at home than he has to lose at the office (now that we realize he is not bound by contract). Imagine if Betty knew about Anna Draper?

I do wonder why Roger has found his true love and yet Don has flings with women that he can't truly be open with. It seems that Don is the most open with Anna, a woman it seems he was not intimate with. Don likes being subservient as much as he likes dominating. Anna basically blackmails him into providing for her and he's emotionally generous with her. Pete tries to blackmail Don and yet Don still dominates him.

Posted by butternut squash October 27, 08 01:10 PM

Joanna,
You really miss the point when you say that January Jones performance is flawed. She is portraying a young women in 1962 with two kids and a husband who cheated on her and won't admit it. He simply ran away to find himself.
She is living in a house that is over an hour from Manhattan and the world she knew, and has very few friends. Living there was supposed to be a step up, but when you are there alone all day and all week, it is no picnic. Don't forget it's 1962 and women are barely allowed to have an independent thought. Also remember that people didn't just walk away from marriage like we do now.
I think January Jones is the clear Emmy winner for next year!!

Posted by Madfan October 27, 08 01:11 PM

This show started well (first season) but now it's becoming quite boring. The only good thing about it the show is it reminds you of a time that men were realy men, hetro, none of this nonesense metro sexual, touchy, feely guys of today with load of moose on thier head!

Posted by Alex October 27, 08 03:35 PM

I found these relationships so true to real life iin the late 50's; early 60's. DIVORCE was a major NO! No matter what church you belonged to- the social mores still frowned on any one who was divorced. It was bellieved if you could not manage their home certainly could not manage a company or run for gov. Remember the birth control pill was relatively new and sexuality was strongly repressed. To me the roles of these women very much reflect the games women had to play to reach some measure of success in "catching a meal ticket" because so few could work if they married. Remeber they were jump one generation removed from mail order brides and fixed marriages.

Posted by Oldster from the 50's October 27, 08 06:45 PM

that must be uncomfortable

Posted by john in Seekonk October 27, 08 06:55 PM

Hello! Anybody Home???? It's a TV show people- NOT REAL Make belive, Santa Clause stuff. You people need a life.

Posted by nofool October 27, 08 06:59 PM

I'd pay good money to see a metrosexual touchy-feely guy of today with a load of moose on his head.

Alex, I believe you meant "mousse." Your idealization of 1950's masculinity is almost as interesting as your typos.

Posted by Penelope October 27, 08 09:39 PM

Alex -

Is that really how you feel?? Maybe you should stick to "Two and a Half Men"....

In the short time that Mad Men has been on the air, it is clear that it is one of the top tv shows of all time.

Posted by Juan October 27, 08 10:22 PM

Joanna,

Did you read Betty Friedan's 1962 treatise "The Feminine Mystique?" January Jones' portrayal of Betty (another Betty hmmm...Matthew Weiner is such a clever genius.) is the embodiment of that book. That's her flaw. She probably majored in Home Ec at Bryn Mawr and fell into the fairy tale of 1950s culture. Ultimately she bought into all of the advertising that was thrown her way - a good husband, two kids, house in the burbs, maintaining her figure... She was living in "happily ever after."

This season, Don's cheating has probably been a good thing for her, she has become more aware of her life. That maybe she reallizes that her life was a complete lie. It's painful to watch. She was extremely judgemental last season and this season, not so much - the Glen episode was very telling. Separation can force people to take stock of their lives. I think she wanted a divorce but the baby on the way mucked things up for her. She did what most people would tell her to do, looking at the portrait of her mother - stay together for the sake of the children.

Ironically, Don who wanted a divorce at the beginning of the season came around full circle and now, doesn't take her for granted anymore. Seeing Anna Draper and spending time with his kids, made him realize that.

Mad Men's a brilliant piece of writing.

Posted by Lolipopp October 28, 08 10:06 AM

I think Joanna may have missed the mark on the show. The whole point of Mad Men is that it is supposed to make the viewer feel uncomfortable. The show presents a juxtaposition between the glossy image of perfection that is generated by the advertising agency (popsicles=love) and the cold reality that was a generation of people living in a time period where everything was changing rapidly around them and they had no power to stop it. The images in the ads are very controlled environments: the wives are always happy to see their husbands and the children are loved and well behaved. The reality of Don and Betty's marriage turn that idealism on it's ear. In truth, there are no "good old days". Only the images that we want to remember are the ones that are left behind.

Posted by Hilary Heindl October 28, 08 12:24 PM