Sex abuse and the limits of forgiveness

I WOULD agree with Sister Camille D'Arienzo that forgiveness, in some form, is indeed necessary for daily living ("Is it time to forgive abusive priests?" Ideas, Aug. 31). However, as a childhood victim of clergy sexual violation, who struggles every day for survival, I can only say that there are some things that cannot be forgiven.

I've been told many times over the years, mostly by loving and spiritual people, that there are such wonderful "graces" to be garnered by forgiving someone who has harmed one so terribly, as in the case of Catholic priests, brothers, deacons, nuns, and church lay workers raping and sodomizing children, followed by the cover-up of these crimes by the church hierarchy. But to pardon someone who is not sorry, but rather sorry they got caught, makes that forgiveness a cheap grace and therefore worthless.

I thank dear Sister Camille for her words, and I beg her for her prayers, not just for myself but for every child who has had their innocence torn from their bodies, minds, and spirits; for all the children who've lost their faith in a loving and merciful God; for all the victims who've lost their lives by suicide or substance abuse, because they could not live with the shame and pain of the perverse horrors that were inflicted upon them by the anointed of our church.

VICTORIA MARTIN
San Pedro, Calif.