IN BOTH parties, the presidential contest is still unpredictable.
In the Republican race, John McCain now has the momentum. On the Democratic side, Barack Obama has it, too.
But what if the nominees end up being the two candidates favored by Massachusetts voters in recent polls - Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton? Well, that contest would be fairly predictable.
If it's Hillary vs. Mitt, expect future news stories like these, seen clearly in my crystal ball:
Bloomberg enters race as independent
New York mayor Michael "Billionaire" Bloomberg announces his candidacy for the presidency, saying, "Mitt panders to 30 percent on the right, Hillary panders to 30 percent on the left, I'll pander to the 80 percent who are tired of being pandered to.
"My opponents will say anything to win. But now they'll be up against a guy who will spend anything to win. May the best billionaire win!"
Naming his independent party the Bloomberg Bullmoose Party, he opens a campaign checking account and deposits $1 billion. As a customer appreciation gift, the bank gives him a toaster factory.
Bloomberg says, "If Mitt can buy a nomination for $80 million, a billion should cover the general election. And I won't try to carry all 50 states. I don't believe in over-tipping."
Mitt moves to the center
Mitt Romney tells Larry King on CNN, "To defeat Bloomberg's hostile takeover bid, I will reposition myself as an independent. To bond with middle-American voters, I will change my principles, wardrobe, and, if necessary, my hair gel.
"So, please don't call me 'conservative.' And I think 'Republican' sounds too partisan."
Asked whether he's flip-flopping again, Romney replies, "No, my views are consistent with my record as governor - whether it's the first two years when I was moderate, or the last two years when I was conservative."
Hillary picks Bill for vice president
In a move Hillary Clinton admits "may seem desperate, even unconstitutional," she announces the selection of former president Bill Clinton as her running mate.
"This is a balanced ticket," she argues. "New York and Arkansas. Wife and husband. People desperately want change, and monarchy is the right kind of desperate change."
Bill Clinton interjects, "Actually, I prefer the title 'co-president' because I don't want to be associated with vice."
Bloomberg offers to buy out Mitt
Bloomberg calls Romney's campaign an "undercapitalized venture" and offers to reimburse him for the $80 million he spent to acquire the GOP nomination if he'll quit the race and become a minority shareholder in Bloomberg's third-party enterprise.
Romney consults with his lawyers and pollsters, and then announces he is insulted by the low bid and will reject it. One of his male heirs is seen weeping over the news. "Tears of joy," he says sadly.
Bill Clinton denies being "attack dog"
"I'm no attack dog," snaps Bill Clinton at a press conference outside Romney's mansion. "But that reminds me of the time Mitt put his dog in a cage on his car roof and drove 17 hours on a family vacation while the poor dog got car-sick. Mitt's campaign song is 'Who let the dogs out?' but the idea that he loves dogs is a big fairy tale. Give me a break!"
Bloomberg buys NBC
Billionaire Bloomberg decides it is "more cost-effective to acquire NBC than buy a gazillion TV commercials." Tim Russert, moderator of "Meet the Press," is reportedly irked by Bloomberg revamping his show as "Meet the Mayor." But Bloomberg soars in the polls when he announces cancellation of all Donald Trump "Apprentice" shows.
Rush Limbaugh dis-endorses Romney
Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says he will no longer promote "Myth Romney." Puffing on a cigar at his golden EIB microphone, Limbaugh explains, "If Mitt hadn't reverted to being a mushy moderate, he wouldn't have collapsed in the polls. I'd call him a chameleon candidate but I don't want to offend Reptile-Americans.
"Frankly, he makes John Kerry look like a model of consistency. Let's forget about illegal immigration from Mexico - we should build a wall around Massachusetts."
Bloomberg hires opponent's family
In a surprise raid by his corporate headhunters, Bloomberg hires away from the Romney campaign all five of Mitt's handsome sons. "Now we are professional extras," explains Biff Romney. "For $92,000 an hour, we stand behind Mayor B at campaign events and look supportive. He's a great family man - even when it's not his real family."
Hillary Clinton says she's confident her daughter, Chelsea, will not defect to Bloomberg, but "just to be safe, we don't let her out of our sight, and Bill confiscated her cellphone."
Todd Domke is a Boston area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author.
