WE'RE HALF-WAY through the presidential race.
A dozen candidates have quit. Republicans are rallying around John McCain. Democrats are still torn between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
It has been a historic, absurd, expensive contest. What have we learned so far?
Here are some lessons the candidates have taught us, unintentionally.
Money can't buy you love - or even sympathy
Mitt Romney spent $100 million to become the Rodney Dangerfield candidate - "I can't get no respect."
Crying can be an art . . .
In a New Hampshire cafe, a female voter empathized with Hillary: "I know it's hard to get out of the house and get ready. Who does your hair?"
"It's not easy, it's not easy," Clinton replied. Her eyes got misty.
TV networks, discovering that Hillary was human, replayed the scene endlessly.
Hillary won New Hampshire. Pollsters who had predicted an easy Obama victory were embarrassed. They blamed voters for the error, citing a secret sympathy surge.
. . . But crying isn't fool-proof
Mitt seemed to tear up on "Meet the Press" while recalling how he wept with joy in 1978 when he learned his church would stop discriminating against blacks.
He said he also recalled seeing his father march with Martin Luther King Jr.
In 1978, he told the Boston Herald: "My father and I marched with Martin Luther King Jr. through the streets of Detroit."
When the Boston Phoenix reported that neither Romney had ever marched with King, Mitt said he was speaking "figuratively."
Mitt's pollster must have wept.
Beauty can be a beast
John Edwards was ridiculed for $400 haircuts, but maybe the greater damage to his image came from a viral video. Millions saw him admiring himself in a mirror for several minutes while primping for a TV interview, with the background music, "I Feel Pretty."
Vanity is in the eye of the beholder. Once beheld, it's pretty memorable.
Hollywood isn't California
No presidential primary candidate ever had more glamorous surrogates than Obama had in California, when Maria Shriver joined Oprah Winfrey, Caroline Kennedy, and Robert DeNiro in endorsing him. Shriver declared that if Obama were a state, he would be California. Yet California voters gave Hillary a huge victory.
Many thought Mitt Romney's movie-star looks would also appeal to the youth-worshipping state. But he was trounced by a 71-year-old whippersnapper.
The subliminal can be blatant
Mike Huckabee appeared in a television spot wishing Iowans a Merry Christmas. The media were spooked by a bookshelf behind the candidate that was lighted up like a cross. TV shows aired the ad repeatedly, debating whether it was a subliminal message to evangelicals.
The controversy didn't hurt Huckabee with Iowans. He won a merry victory.
Did the cameraman create this special effect with the candidate's knowledge? Maybe he will tell all in his autobiography, "I'm Not a Huckster."
Rationalizing means rationing the truth
Edwards campaigned on the theme that the rich are exploiting the poor. Proving the point, he was paid $55,000 for a speech, "Poverty, the Great Moral Issue Facing America," to poor students at the University of California at Davis.
He denounced "predatory lending" yet made nearly $500,000 as a consultant to a hedge fund involved in subprime mortgages. He said the consulting helped him learn about poverty.
Apparently, poverty is where the money is.
Flip-flopping means never having to say you're sorry
When Mitt flopped on Super Tuesday, he vowed to fight "all the way to the convention." Two days later, he flipped.
His rationale for quitting: he didn't want to "forestall" the GOP nominee from gearing up against the Democrats. "I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror." (I quit! Take that, Mr. bin Laden!)
Actually, he wanted to quit while he was ahead . . . of Huckabee. He wanted to pressure Huckabee to also quit, so Mitt would finish in second-place to McCain. In the GOP, the second-place finisher becomes the front-runner next time. Huckabee didn't fall for it. He'll surpass Mitt in delegates.
Clintons can only apologize for being virtuous
After Bill Clinton doomed Hillary in the South Carolina primary by repelling voters with attacks on Obama, he said he had learned a lesson: "I can't defend my wife."
Hillary fired her campaign manager. But you can't fire a former president.
Don't audition by not showing up
Woody Allen said, "Eighty percent of success is showing up." Actor Fred Thompson didn't show up for the GOP race until it was 80 percent over.
His wife fired several campaign managers. She should have fired the candidate.
Todd Domke is a Boston area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author.
