All hail Slick Mitt
WITH APOLOGIES to William Shakespeare, levity is the role of Mitt.
One simply can't help being amused watching our ever-evolving erstwhile governor make his maneuvers.
Having recently spent weeks criticizing John McCain as a counterfeit conservative, Romney has now let it be known that he would be honored to run as his vice-presidential nominee.
That notion has gotten some lift from conservative pundits Robert Novak and Fred Barnes. Why, you might say there's a Mitt-for-second-banana boomlet beginning.
Now, this space poked occasional fun at Romney during his presidential campaign, somewhat to the annoyance of his supporters, who chided me for twitting him. After all, I might have ended up having to call him . . . Mittster President. That peril has now passed.
And yet, I have to admit that Romney would bring valuable assets to the GOP ticket as McCain's number two.
Like, say:
A handsome head of hair, fairly glistening with styling product.
Imaginative, outside-the-box - heck, outside-the-car - solutions to the pressing problem of long-distance canine transport.
A vast wardrobe of expensive suits, all conveniently empty.
A proven ability to pander, particularly to Michiganders.
A spacious Belmont home where McCain could stay if bad weather grounded his plane at Logan, and where he might well have a chance to study illegal immigration first-hand. Plus vacation homes in New Hampshire and Utah where Romney could impart some varmint hunting tips.
And, of course, a photogenic brood boasting teeth that are positively Kennedyesque.
What's more, if McCain's long years as a POW are a testament to fortitude and courage, Mitt has made his own impressive sacrifice for his country: He forfeited a promising future to protect us from terrorism.
What do I mean?
Well, recall what Romney said in his concession speech last month. If he battled McCain all the way to the Republican convention, "I'd forestall the launch of a national campaign and . . . I'd make it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win. Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."
When was the last time we saw that kind of selfless sentiment? By my reckoning, you have to journey all the way back to Nathan Hale, who, moments before being hanged by the British for spying, spoke words that ring almost as nobly as Mitt's: "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
There are, however, a few obstacles standing in the way of a McCain-Romney team.
One is that, as he noted in the same concession speech, Romney disagrees with the Arizonan on any number of issues.
For any other VP hopeful, that could prove tricky. But knowing Slick Willard the way I do, I'm confident he could parse and pirouette his way free of any problems. Why, I can almost hear him now: "I may have said that I hoped to double Guantanamo, but that was always contingent on obtaining the proper building permits."
Or perhaps: "Holy moly, you thought I said I opposed cap-and-trade on greenhouse gases? What I meant to say was that I'm against cap-gun raids on schoolhouse classes. You see, as an NRA member, I firmly believe that students have Second Amendment rights."
Still, there is one problem I'm not sure can be overcome: McCain himself.
Queried during his Wednesday stop in New Hampshire about whether Romney would make his short list for VP, the GOP's nominee-to-be looked, to my skeptical eye, as wary as he might have been had a Granite State trapper presented him with a skunk and asked if he would like to have it for a house pet.
"I just started the process, and we haven't compiled a list yet," said McCain, before offering some polite praise of Romney.
When a second reporter asked whether he would at least consider Romney, McCain praised his former rival again, calling him "a fine man" who had made an "enormous contribution" - but pointedly refused to go any further.
"I can't make a definitive statement because we haven't started the process yet," he said. "We don't have a list. As I said, I think he's earned himself a very big role to play in the Republican Party in our future."
The bet here is that what McCain really meant was this: the distant future.
Scot Lehigh's e-mail address is lehigh@globe.com.
