Flying to new heights of absurdity
AIRLINE PASSENGERS 18D, E and F are huddled up, total strangers in a sardine can from Boston to LA as they soak in all the stale air. That is, if they haven't killed each other first, screaming, and cursing about not crushing each other's belongings in the overhead compartment. That is, if they weren't blocked at the gate for arguing with the gate attendant after the attendant noticed the bag bursting with underwear dangling through the zippers.
That is, if they weren't put in police custody, losing it at the X-ray machine after being in line for 20 minutes, thinking they could skip the half-hour line at the ticket counter to get the exploding (please! I'm only being figurative!) duffle bag aboard, but told by the TSA no chance, and looking back and seeing that to go back, wait another half hour at the ticket counter to check the bag for $15, and get back in the X-ray line for another 20 minutes meant missing their flight.
That is what we've come to. American Airlines announced it will charge passengers $15 for the first checked bag. It was inevitable that one of the airline carriers would try. Why not the one so ill-prepared for a changing economy that it banned tips for skycaps?.
When United Airlines and US Airways announced in the winter that they would charge $25 for a second checked bag, Rick Seaney, CEO of FareCompare.com, said, "Basically if you fly naked, you can go for next to nothing." Well, nothing is now here. On American's website explaining the new policy, it says that there are of course exceptions, which basically boil down to being in the military, being a frequent flier, or just being filthy rich. Joe and Jane Schmoe, you suffer.
This is the industry where suffering at the top means that US Airways CEO Doug Parker saw his compensation drop from $5.9 million in 2006 to a mere $4.3 million last year.
The frosting on this fantasy land goes to American Airlines CEO Gerard Arpey. Arpey netted $6.6 million, which was a raise from $5.4 million in 2006. And now he's coming to jack you and me up for $15 a bag, which is $30 round trip. While he collects a 21 percent pay raise, he jacks you up with what amounts to a 10 percent increase on a $300 ticket.
There ought to be a law about this, but the airlines are good at making sure there are no laws with their $17.5 million of lobbying in 2006, according to the Center for Responsive Politics. Historically, the airlines have thrown their weight behind Republicans, but already they are flying the friendly skies with the Democrats. Of the three remaining presidential candidates, Democrat Barack Obama currently edges out John McCain as the top recipient of cash from the airline industry.
Then again, just as gasoline prices on the ground are finally forcing SUV and pickup-truck owners to reconsider their gas guzzlers, the airlines just might succeed in inspiring common sense with their "fly naked" stupidity. Kathryn Mikells, vice president for investor relations at United Airlines, said this week, "Change clearly needs to be made and it's going to have to come across a host of areas. There isn't a single silver bullet."
She is right about that. There may not be a single silver bullet. But there may be a silver lining. If the airlines keep it up, they just might nickel and dime Americans into a new vision of transportation, to silver bullet trains.
Derrick Z. Jackson can be reached at jackson@globe.com.
