The next new chant: 'No we can't'

THE FUTURE is not always a mystery.

My crystal ball channels future TV shows, like this one from Jan. 20, 2009. . .

Chris Matthews: "Welcome to this special edition of 'Softball.' We are live at the Capitol in Washington, D.C., where Barack Obama has just been sworn in by Chief Justice John Roberts. The judge was surprised when the 44th US president then gave him a fist-bump, a manly half-hug, and a high-five."

Tom Brokaw: "Chris, have you read the advance text of the inaugural address?"

Matthews: "Yes. And just reading it sent a tingle up my leg, then up my spine, through my Adam's apple, and almost to my cranium. Frankly, I'm concerned how my body will react when he actually delivers the speech."

Brokaw: "But you have Kleenex, and Gatorade, a heart monitor . . ."

Matthews: "Shut up, he's starting to speak."

Barack Obama: "One score and four months ago, I began a journey that led me to this magical moment. Can you feel the magic?"

Audience: "Yes, we can!"

Matthews: "A brilliant opening. Lincolnesque. Genius."

Obama: "For eight years we have seen tricks, but no magic."

Audience: "Boooo, Bush, boooo!"

Andrea Mitchell: "Chris, I'm on stage behind President Obama, sitting between the unrepentant former domestic terrorist, Bill Ayers and the repentant former chairman of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan. I must report that George W. Bush laughed inappropriately when Obama said the last eight years have not been magical."

Obama: "No, don't boo President Bush. While I've disagreed with his disastrous Herbert Hoover-like policies, I applaud his courage for endorsing John McCain." (Obama claps, prompting the audience to applaud.)

Andrea: "Bush is standing and waving to the crowd. Whoa! Did you see Dick Cheney grab Bush's sleeve, pulling him to sit down?"

Obama: "Unfortunately, my fellow Americans, after reviewing a nonpartisan audit by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate majority leader Harry Reid, I've discovered that things are even worse than I claimed during the campaign. Frankly, we're broke."

Audience: "Yes, we're broke!"

Obama: "No, that's not a good thing. This is our mess now."

Andrea: "I see Bush laughing inappropriately again."

Matthews: "That's terrible, the disrespect Bush is showing. Tom, can a former president be impeached?"

Brokaw: "I dunno. Let's ask our political editor, Chuck Todd."

Matthews: "No, I'm joking. Of course he can't be impeached. Right, Chuck?"

Chuck Todd: "I haven't seen any polls on that, but . . ."

Matthews: "Shut up. Our man is speaking again."

Obama: "I promised change. Now I must change my promises. Is that all right?"

Audience: "Yes, you can!"

Matthews: "What a rhetorical flourish - 'promised change; change promises.' Poetry."

Obama: "I promised hope. I hope you'll let me change my promises."

Audience: "Yes, you can!"

Obama: "Since we're broke, I don't think we can afford an expedition to Mars. Do you?"

Audience: "No, we can't!"

Obama: "Congress just voted for another $300 billion of stimulus, so we can't afford most of my new spending programs."

Audience: "No, we can't!"

Obama: "We can't afford to cut taxes for 95, or even 5, percent of Americans."

Audience: "No, we can't!"

Obama: "We can't afford to hire you folks for government jobs."

(Dead silence)

Obama: "Just kidding."

Audience: "Yay!"

Brokaw: "Chris, it seems like he's inaugurating a new era of humor and humility. Obama might enjoy a longer honeymoon than any president since George Washington."

Matthews: "Yes. And shouldn't we end the two-term limit for presidents? I don't think we can get enough of this guy in just eight years."

Obama: "Not since Franklin Roosevelt, who needed four terms, has a president faced such a challenge. But with hope and a change in promises, we cannot fail."

Audience: "No, we can't!"

Andrea: "I'm turning around to interview Joe Biden. Mr. Vice President, I see that David Axelrod has taken the duct tape off your mouth. What do you think of the inaugural address?"

Joe Biden: "Mark my words, when our enemies test the mettle of this young, inexperienced president in a totally gratuitous crisis, they will be surprised. He is no longer a politician. He's a magician."

Matthews: "Magician?! Wow, that is so inspiring. I'm feeling a tingle. . ."

Todd Domke is a Boston-area Republican political analyst, public relations strategist, and author.