Velveteen Rabbi

In the summer of 2005, I pitched The Boston Globe Magazine a profile of Rachel Barenblat, a western Massachusetts-based poet and writer who was moonlighting as a Jewish ritualist and celebrant, and who blogged delightfully about the latter activities at The Velveteen Rabbi. "I think there's room in Judaism for custom-designed ritual," explained Barenblat in an email. "I want to empower more ordinary Jews... to take their Jewishness into their own hands and shape it into what they want and need."

I was fascinated, around that time, by what the writer Douglas Rushkoff has dubbed Open Source Judaism, because I'd just read his terrific 2003 book on the subject, "Nothing Sacred: The Truth About Judaism." Judaism has been a religion unique in its emphasis on "inquiry over certainty and fluidity over sanctity," according to Rushkoff; he was concerned that his native religion was in danger of compromising its core values: iconoclasm, media literacy, and a marked disinclination to blind obedience.

Barenblat's activities -- coauthoring and performing wedding ceremonies for interfaith couples (because many rabbis are either unwilling or unable to perform interfaith ceremonies), for example; and baby-naming/welcoming ceremonies, in some cases for same-sex couples -- strike me as a great example of Open Source Judaism in practice. Besides, "Velveteen Rabbi" is a completely brilliant moniker.

Please note: Barenblat is not a rabbi. In the fall of '05, however, she became a rabbinic student; and she's a semi-regular leader of prayer at her North Adams synagogue.

Alas, the Globe Magazine turned down my pitch. Not because the idea was a bad one, I was assured, but because they were about to publish an entire issue devoted to Boston's Jewish Renaissance. I was invited to re-pitch the profile some time in 2006, but by then I was busy working as a web editor for the Living/Arts desk, and in September of that year, we launched Brainiac, which has helped keep me fairly busy.

Every story I've ever pitched but haven't written is an orphan, as far as I'm concerned! And I sometimes worry about my orphans. Will they ever be adopted? In December 2006, the Velveteen Rabbi made an appearance in the Globe's Food section, which was great, but not good enough.

So I'm thrilled to report that The Velveteen Rabbi was included in Time Magazine's First Annual Blog Index, featuring the top 25 blogs of 2008. Make room, Boing Boing and Daily Kos, Gawker and Freakonomics! Rachel Barenblat's story has been adopted.

I feel like celebrating.

PS: For the sake of closure, here's the getting-to-know-you email exchange I had with the Velveteen Rabbi in August 2005.

BRAINIAC: Can you tell me a little bit about the kinds of ceremonies you perform most frequently, how often you do this sort of work, etc.?

BARENBLAT: Most frequently I perform weddings. I've married a handful of couples so far; I'm doing two more weddings in September, and I think I just lined up one for next spring.

Most of the couples I work with are interfaith couples. Many rabbis are either unwilling or unable to perform interfaith ceremonies, and while I understand their position, I think it's problematic. For many twenty- and thirty-somethings, religion isn't a major priority -- but when they get engaged, they return to their roots seeking a religious ceremony to begin their married lives. I think it's a mistake for Judaism to respond to these kinds of requests with a slammed door; I think that sets a poor precedent, and sends the message that those on the fringes aren't welcome here. My personal practice of Judaism is one that values ecumenism highly, and I think it's important that we greet interfaith couples with a hearty "mazal tov!" and the questions, "where are you at, what are you looking for, and how can I help Judaism be a part of your life?"

Many folks don't realize that halakhically (in terms of Jewish law), a rabbi isn't required for a Jewish wedding: what's required are witnesses, a ketubah (marriage contract), and rings. Of course, halakhically a wedding between a Jew and a non-Jew isn't binding, but I appreciate the spirit of the sentiment that a rabbi isn't required.

A side note about me and how I came to do this work: I'm a lay leader at my synagogue (Congregation Beth Israel in North Adams), and I spent about three years working on a book manuscript about writing one's own rituals (a practice in my own life which began with the Williams College Feminist Seder committee about a dozen years ago.) Though that book manuscript is currently on hiatus (it needs to be rewritten, and that project is waiting for a different point in my life), the process of drafting it helped me to articulate why I think there's room in Judaism for custom-designed ritual, and why I want to empower more ordinary Jews -- maybe especially those on the fringes -- to take their Jewishness into their own hands and shape it into what they want and need.

Anyway, in addition to weddings I also do baby-naming/welcoming ceremonies. My first was for my sister and her husband, who live in Jamaica Plain (they're both Jewish, but don't belong to a synagogue, so when Max was born my sister -- knowing my interest in ritualcraft -- asked if I would create a ceremony for him); my second was for an interfaith couple in Kansas City, old friends of ours; and my third was last fall, for a lesbian couple in Ashfield, MA.

BRAINIAC: Do you marry a lot of gay couples these days?

BARENBLAT: None yet, though I'm looking forward to doing my first gay wedding!

BRAINIAC: Do you have any ceremonies coming up this fall?

BARENBLAT: Two; one in Otis, in southern Berkshire, and the other in Cambridge. The Cambridge one is going to be a kick and a half: the bride is Jewish and American, the groom is Filipino-Canadian and Catholic. That's the first wedding I've created that incorporates a lot of non-Jewish elements -- specifically the use of sponsors (like godparents for the couple), the exchange of coins (the same ones used by the groom's parents and grandparents) and the ceremonial use of a silk cord (laid over the couple's shoulders, to symbolize their binding together). All of these are Filipino customs that it's been really fun to learn about. That wedding will involve a co-officiant of sorts; the Episcopal priest who introduced the couple to one another will give the homily.

BRAINIAC: What does it mean to be a celebrant who's not a rabbi or minister, etc. -- is it basically a civil ceremony with religious trappings?

BARENBLAT: So far, not so much. Each ceremony I've done differs from the others, because I work with the couple to figure out what their needs are and what they want, but all of them have been pretty solidly Jewish. (You can download a few of my wedding ceremonies from the "ceremony archive" section of velveteenrabbi.com, if you want to see what I've done.)

All of the weddings I've done have involved the signing of a ketubah (though usually one with custom text, sometimes text which makes explicit reference to the dual traditions of the couple involved) and the recitation of the Seven Blessings (the heart of the Jewish wedding ceremony). Some couples want more Hebrew, others want less; some want traditional language ("Blessed are You, Adonai our God, creator of the fruit of the vine") while others want nontraditional ("Our coming together in celebration blesses the sweetness of the wine"), but in all cases the weddings have been recognizably Jewish.

At the same time, I always want to make sure that the non-Jewish partner and her/his family feel entirely welcome, included, and part of the ceremony. I always translate when I'm using Hebrew. Often we've had readings from the Christian Scriptures -- though as I think about it, there's an Apache wedding blessing that's pretty popular lately too, and I've never married anyone with Native American heritage! The ceremonies are like patchwork quilts: all on the same pattern, but tailored to the couple in question and their desires and needs.