They've Got Mail
On the eve of Valentine's Day, our 'Coupling' writers share the overtures they've received, romantic and otherwise.
(Illustration by Kim Rosen)Since it launched in 2005, our weekly "Coupling" column has been blessed with a heavy mailbag. Our writers have heard from readers who've adored their message and from those who've hated it. They've received calls for help. And our single and divorced contributors have had their share of offers for dates. Here, four writers offer a glimpse into their in-boxes.
Marianne Jacobbi: My first essay for this column appeared last summer. That's when I came out as a dater. I'd been married for 25 years, I was newly divorced, and the essay was about online dating and the tough challenge for women like me aging out of the 40-to-55 bracket. I received lots of mail after that article, and a few offers from men for a date. (I didn't pursue the offers.)
After another essay I wrote, on skinny-dipping, I received an e-mail from someone I corresponded with briefly. He wrote to the magazine: "I am a single man who has been looking for a new life partner for five years and, like Ms. Jacobbi, I feel time ticking away. What am I looking for? Someone smart, able to express thoughts and feelings, very open, imperfect, self-aware, humble, down-to-earth, and verbally and physically affectionate." Charlie is his name. He's 55 and he's looking for the love of his life. I now have someone I'll be spending this Valentine's Day with. But if you are a woman 40 to 62 in search of love, Charlie might be for you (charlie_143@msn.com).
James Kirchick: In August, I wrote a "Coupling" column about dating as a gay conservative. I did not receive any romantic responses to my column, a fitting outcome considering that, in the piece, I revealed my non-single status. I did, however, get a kind lunch invitation from an officer with the Cambridge Republican City Committee - a lonely job, to be sure - with whom I discussed politics and his attempts to brand the party as more friendly to gays. I also got a grateful Facebook message from a college student who told me of a paper he was writing about his "multiple intersections of being a gay, Jewish neo-con."
Karl Ford: Last summer, when I wrote about my confirmed bachelorhood at age 58, it was a genuine desire to express feelings I had about never marrying and how that was perceived by society. I received some very supportive responses from those who shared similar situations. I also heard from others, however. Although I didn't receive marriage proposals, as one responder suggested was my intent, there were offers to meet or "hook up," as one person wrote. Another had a sister for me, while another had "several single friends." But I didn't respond to any invitations.
And then there were some opinions and suggestions. One gentleman was adamant about telling me how "lucky" I was to have my "independence and possession of my wallet," while another suggested I get a dog for company. And one woman was still looking for her "soul mate" after three marriages and believed there was a "Jack for every Jill," although some were "Jackasses."
Alison Lobron: Since 2005, I've written stories in this space about dating and being single, from deciding whether to get a cat to Googling prospective dates. Along the way, I've had a few readers ask me out, but most write to share stories of their own.
After I wrote an essay about my parents' late-in-life divorce, a reader e-mailed to say she was leaving her marriage after 30 years, and could she please have my mother's phone number? But, also, could we make sure not to print her letter? She hadn't broken the news to her husband yet.
I used to be surprised at the secrets that were shared with me, but I've come to see that the first-person conversational tone of the essays (combined with the informality of e-mail) invites confidences in return. It's always a little weird to have total strangers write as if they know me - but flattering to be trusted with tales that make my own dating life seem tamer than a little kitty cat (which I never did get).
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