The Face of Fashion

Beards are back. But what took everyone so long?

Dear Allan Peterkin:

Just a note, because I know you're going to want to drop my face a card. I noticed in Time magazine recently that you contend, rightly, that beards are back. You did this on the basis of your status as one of America's premier pogonologists. I also learned that a pogonologist is someone who studies beards. Previously, I thought that the study of beards consisted mainly of the people across the table who noticed that last night's barbecue seemed to have found a permanent home. Live and learn. Anyway, this year, we happen to be celebrating the 30th anniversary of the last time I saw my chin. When I moved to Boston, I left my razor back in Worcester, to which I did not immediately choose to return. By the time I did, I was well past Don Johnson and halfway to Moses. There was no turning back. Since then, the beard has faced down - I kill myself - the aforementioned barbecue sauce. It also has dripped sweat in the Qatari desert and frozen in the Canadian subarctic. So it was nice to learn the essential superiority of bearded men is being reasserted in the culture at large. However, the piece did not explain the Three Great Rules of Beards. Rule No. 1: No stubble. Stubble is not a beard any more than grass seed is a lawn. Rule No. 2: Grow a real one. No Vandykes or goatees. These are merely mustaches with artistic pretension. Rule No. 3: Beards must include a mustache. Historic exception can be made here for Abraham Lincoln, literary exception for Captain Ahab, and religious exception for the Amish. There's only one last redoubt of the beardless - local news. Today, stockbrokers. Tomorrow, the anchor desk.

Charles P. Pierce
Cpierce@globe.com