Here Lies Wackiness

A "concierge" service for grave sites? No, thanks.

Dear Muara Makarim:

I get a great number of "story idea" pitches over the old electronic transom here. Usually, they are little more than clear indications that many people in public relations don't know much about either "stories" or "ideas." No, I would not like to write about the electric fork or the notion that dogs can teach us a great deal about the trade imbalance with China. I have to admit, though, your recent pitch "Concierge services for grave sites across the country" intrigued me. From the title, I had a vision of a richly liveried Frenchman standing next to where I buried Mom and Dad, offering choice seats on the ground and a wine list to people who dropped by to pay respects. However, reading further, I discovered that the pitch was on behalf of Gravescape, a company that provides the upkeep of the family plot for those people who live too far away from where they planted the folks to plant anything else. Your pitch mentioned that Gravescape will also provide photos or videos of the plots in question, probably for quality control purposes. I can't see any point to having a photo of Grandpa's tomb hanging in the den, unless Grandpa was either U.S. Grant or the pharaoh Cheops. And videos? What possible interest could anyone have of a video of a grave site? Outside of the occasional squirrel romping past, there isn't very much going on around most of them. And anything out of the ordinary that might happen there is short odds to frighten adults and send the children under the bed and, thence, into therapy. I'll have to be shoveling off now, but keep pitching. You, I like.

Charles P. Pierce
Cpierce@globe.com