Invasion of Screamyboy

When a tot pops at the doc, plus the rules of introducing friends and greeting co-workers.

I am an administrator for a psychologist in a very busy doctors' office. The other day, a woman came in with her two children, one of whom ran up and down the hallway, banging on the walls and screaming at the top of his voice. We have signs posted around the suite asking for quiet. I approached her and said, "I have to ask you to please keep your son quiet. We have many doctors in session." She became offended and stated that there was "nothing I can do to keep him quiet." Some of our therapists treat trauma victims and require quiet at all times. Was there a way for me to handle this without offending her?
ANONYMOUS in Raynham

Sadly, there probably wasn't. Anyone who is oblivious and entitled enough to allow her child to run amok in a doctors' office - a therapists' office at that - is likely to be offended by any suggestion that her little darling isn't quite the precious snowflake she thinks he is. Unreasonable people are offended by reasonable requests. That's pretty much the definition of unreasonableness, right there.

You were right in trying to stop Screamyboy from disrupting a patient's therapy session, and you might have followed up by suggesting she take him outside until he calmed down. (Which is probably where he would rather have been anyway.) Since you now know that the posted signs and your intervention won't always be sufficient to keep the suite quiet, talk to your boss and the other doctors about how to handle future situations like this one. All the staff should agree on a consistent protocol that will protect the needs of the patients.

I introduced a friend (call her Ms. X) to a small group of other friends less than a year ago. All of us have kids at the same school, but the moms in my group had never crossed paths with Ms. X until I made her part of our plans. Since then, I have included her in many outings with this group. She quickly began planning dinner dates with the other couples without including my husband and me. I don't expect to be invited when couples invite others to their homes, but I think that she should include me if they are meeting up in public. I feel used. Am I overreacting?
T.B. in Coto de Caza, California

I think you are overreacting, unless there's more that you haven't told me. She hasn't dropped you or started bad-mouthing you to the other mothers, has she? Or inviting everyone in the group except you for a beer and hot wings after soccer practice? As long as Ms. X is still behaving like a friend to you, I don't see why you should care if she's socializing with your other friends as well. Did you introduce her to the group in order to help her meet new people - or did you just want a loyal little mascot to trail along after you? Ms. X is taking some initiative and striking out on her own socially rather than expecting you to baby-sit her, and good for her.

Could you please settle a debate among my co-workers? Our office is one big room (no cubes). Some of my colleagues and I think it's proper for the person entering the room at the start of the workday to offer a greeting to those already there. Other co-workers think the people already there should say hello first to the person coming in. Our desks are along the perimeter of the room, so many of us have our backs to the door. Must everyone turn to greet (or reply to) the new arrival? We're normally a convivial bunch, but this greeting issue is breeding resentments.
C.T. in Brookline

I'll settle the question for you if you promise it will remain settled. You all have appealed to authority, and now you have to accept my ruling, OK? It really is often a good idea, when two or more people can't make up their minds, to just turn it over to an impartial third party and let that settle the matter.

So here: I decree that those entering say hello, and that no one needs to physically turn to reply to the greeting, although individuals may if they so choose. It makes more sense for one person to initiate a greeting than for a roomful to do so, as though it were a surprise party. And sometimes, I've heard, people at work are actually concentrating on their tasks, so it makes sense for the newcomer to make the first greeting rather than all of you having to have your heads cocked toward the door a-listening for the footfalls of latecomers.

Now, if you have all read this column and you are still arguing, with some of you extolling the wisdom of Miss Conduct and others swearing she must have been paid off by the newcomer-greeting contingent, here's my second decree.

If my logic failed to persuade you, you must flip a coin. Heads, the newcomers say hello first; tails, the people already at their desks say hello first. And that's the end of it.

My Word!

Parents with children of a different race than themselves are entitled to run into the supermarket for a loaf of bread without fielding questions from curious strangers, however nicely phrased. This kind of attention can become tiresome and even hurtful for children over time. For those interested in adoption, it is better to do research through the Internet or by asking family friends to share their experiences. (Thanks to reader Ann Hoskins for this advice!)

Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology.

QUESTIONS? Write to missconduct@globe.com or The Boston Globe Magazine/Miss Conduct, PO Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819.