Dear Don Thompson:
It appears that economic circumstances are bringing you, the president of McDonald's USA, and your company around to something that was obvious to me in fourth grade. The first time I walked beneath the Golden Arches - in the Main South section of Worcester - I ordered a hamburger. Imagine my surprise when I found that I had ordered not only a bun and a hunk of cow product, but also lettuce, pickles, an onion, and some sort of emulsified ketchup/mustard glop that looked like a dangerous Hollywood special effect from the 1950s. Over the ensuing years, I have fought the battle of the special orders at locations all over the world. Counter help from many lands have pronounced themselves mystified when I explain that I just want, you know, a hamburger. If my whole world were your restaurants, I would have to conclude that no language anywhere has a word that means "plain." (One of my smartest friends has beaten the system by repeatedly ordering a "double cheeseburger, hold the cheese," bringing to mind Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces.) Now, though, the rising cost of, among other things, cheese is forcing you folks finally to allow us the freedom to clog our own damn arteries in our own damn ways. On the Dollar Menu at some restaurants, there is now more than a "double cheeseburger." There is a "double hamburger with cheese" (one slab between two patties) and, lo and behold, a "double hamburger without cheese." I'm not sure if we'll ever break you of the mustard-onion glop, but this is very much The Marketplace working toward increased human freedom. Maybe we'll even get you to give up the lucrative Teenage Halloween Vandal market share by eliminating the otherwise useless pickle. America is a land of hope.
cpierce@globe.com
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