A parking-space hog?
Questioning the right to linger in your car, plus potentially tacky invites and hallway hellos.
I often work overnight and leave the parking lot when co-workers are arriving. There is never a shortage of spaces at that time except near the entrance, where I usually park. I sometimes eat breakfast or do my makeup in the car while it's running. Occasionally drivers have sat behind me waiting for me to leave and, if I remain, have become quite irate, yelling and honking. Should I end the pre-driving preparations? R.B. / Natick
Even if you have some abstract right to squat in the parking space, is this really a battle you want to fight? Do you enjoy sitting in the car eating your Odwalla bar while people honk and scream behind you? I find it difficult to understand why eating and grooming in your car is a desirable enough experience to be worth the conflict. If you don't want to wait until you get home, eat in the break room and do your face in the ladies'. Also, sitting in a running car for minutes on end is polluting. I'm not defending the yeller-honkers' confrontational tactics, but if you want to squat and pollute, others will, inevitably, object.
About seven years ago a man I was engaged to died unexpectedly. Since then, his family, who all live out of state, and I have swapped Christmas cards and occasional e-mails. I've recently become engaged to another man, and we're planning a wedding for this fall. Should I invite my late fiance's family? I can't figure out if this would be considered tacky or rude. A.D. / Jamaica Plain
If you've been in touch with these people for seven years, you clearly have a living relationship with them and aren't just maintaining a polite link to the past. I think inviting them would be lovely. They might feel differently, of course -- it might be too painful a reminder of their loss -- but I don't think there's any way they could interpret your intentions as anything but kind.
Send an invitation to the family members you'd like to come, and follow up with a phone call or e-mail explaining that you understand if they can't or don't want to come, but that you wanted to share this happy news with them. (If this is really new news -- i.e., if the family didn't even know you were engaged -- do the phone call or e-mail before the invite, to get them up to speed.) Oh, and one thing: You do want to invite your late fiance's relatives, right? I'm assuming you do, but you didn't say so outright. You're by no means obligated to invite them if you don't want to.
During my workday I make multiple trips between my office and other rooms in the building. I often pass the same people in the hallways several times. After the first direct greeting each day, I feel awkward if I do not say something to acknowledge them as we pass. I sometimes have something business-related to mention, occasionally something witty, but always a nod and smile. Is the last response acceptable, as multiple "hellos" each day seems weird? M.C. / Boston
Oh, those awkward meetings in the hallway. We all hate them. But the hating of them is the beauty of them. How often do you truly know you can see into another person's mind? But you know exactly what the other person is thinking in those moments: "Gee, this is awkward." And the other person is looking at you, knowing you are thinking the same thing. So nod and smile, reaching over the awkwardness to find the human connection of that shared moment. Or if that authentic-self-in-the-workplace spiritual approach isn't for you, carry paperwork with you and pretend to be vetting documents as you walk.
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Her new book is Miss Conduct's Mind Over Manners.
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