On the fly
What to say when a zipper’s gone south, plus volunteer obligations and strange voices.
How do you tell a person sitting next to you that his fly is open? Suppose you know him only slightly but it’s likely you’ll be seeing him again. Or should you say nothing, which is what I did, because I couldn’t think fast enough to be graceful or funny? R.H. / Taos, New Mexico Good heavens. Nobody needs to be alerted to a gravity-struck zipper by Oscar Wilde. Simply inform. Do you remember the innocent joy we had as children when the opportunity to advise a classmate to “XYZ PDQ” (examine your zipper, pretty darned quick) presented itself? It was such a perfect and never-duplicated blend of schadenfreude and the altruistic glow of helping others. I’m hardly one to sentimentalize children, but there’s an admirable directness to how they handle the zipper situation. For adults, a quick “Excuse me, your zipper’s down” (keep your voice low but distinct enough to be heard by the intended hearer and no one else) will do nicely.
I signed up as a volunteer tutor recently. I completed the organization’s 18 hours of required training and was assigned a student. The student was half an hour late to our first meeting and has proceeded to cancel most of our subsequent meetings. I’ve contacted the coordinator numerous times about this and she has done nothing. Last week, I called to let her know my student would be gone for several months and that I would be available for another student, but I haven’t heard back. There are other organizations that provide a similar service, and I’m tempted to see if I can volunteer with them instead. What is my obligation to this particular organization? N.A. / Worcester You’ve fulfilled it. It’s a sad truth that the organizations that most need help are by that very fact the ones that often do the worst job recruiting and retaining volunteers. You might want to give your coordinator a final call, to let her know you’re taking yourself off the tutoring list, but to please call you if they need help with a short-term project (or any other sort of “still support the mission, no hard feelings” message that would be appropriate). Then go ahead and contact the other organizations.
Recently a 21-year-old gal started working in the cubicle across from me. I need to know how to deal with her nasal chatter and baby talk. I try to ignore her, but others around me insist on talking with her. When we do speak, I keep my tone professional and grown-up. Also, she calls people “honey,” as you might a hurt child, even our boss! A couple of us have talked to him about this, but he won’t do anything and says it’s just her personality. L.G. / Columbus, Ohio How very odd, L.G., that I, too, feel a certain urge to call you “honey” like a hurt child. Because, honey, dealing with people who aren’t aesthetically and socially pleasing in every way is part of life. It’s also the part of your job description that they didn’t write down explicitly. Dealing with flawed individuals is part of everyone’s job description. And, for heaven’s sake, of course your colleagues “insist on talking with her” -- she works there. What do you expect them to do, impose a Dwight Schrute-style “shunning” on her?
Continue with a professional, calm, and friendly demeanor yourself -- not referring to adult women as “gals” would be an excellent start -- and focus on the quality of your own work. I’m sorry you have to endure a co-worker with a nasal voice and some idiosyncratic verbal mannerisms, but as they say, worse things have happened at sea.
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Her new book is Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners.
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