Too far for animals?
Weighing the rights of man vs. beast, plus unbearably smelly gym mates.
For the past year I have been vegan. My dad, sister, and I were recently discussing animals that are kosher, and my dad asked why I didn’t eat dairy products. I explained that most people are not aware of how animals are treated on factory farms. My sister said I should be more concerned about human slavery and that I was contributing to it by not doing anything about it. I am not trying to force my beliefs on anyone. How should I have responded? L.B. / Melrose Since your family is Jewish, or at least interested enough to be talking about what’s kosher and what isn’t, you could have responded with this: “You are not obligated to complete the task, but neither are you free to desist from it.” This is from the Pirkei Avot, one of the great Jewish wisdom texts. It means that no one can do every single thing necessary to save the world, but that we must all do our part. Your part, at this point in your life, is to step back from factory farming. Every act of social justice echoes in many different ways: Reducing beef consumption is good for the environment, for example. And to witness you being strong enough to stick to your beliefs even when all your friends are downing tasty, tasty bacon cheeseburgers might give another person the courage to live more in keeping with his or her own values.
Your sister was baiting you, and she was using a classic distracting and put-down technique to do it: “Why do you care about X instead of Y?” There’s no need to fall for that one (although there’s no need to feel ashamed of falling for it the first couple of times someone pulls it on you, either; most of us have).
And the “by not doing anything about human slavery, you are contributing to it”? Please. What is your sister doing about the war in Darfur? Nothing? Well, then, according to her logic, she’s helping it right along, isn’t she?
If your sister wants a meaningful discussion, it might be nice to sit down over a cup of tea and some vegan cookies sometime and have a heart-to-heart about how we make our way in a complicated and imperfect world. But if you think she’s just picking on you, then go with that intuition and ignore her.
A number of times when I’ve been on a treadmill or elliptical machine at the gym, an extremely odiferous person has taken the machine next to me, resulting in my sniffing in the other direction or, when the smell is just unbearable and staying put is not an option, switching machines mid-workout. The latter seems rude. What is the best way to handle this? S.V. / Boston I believe you when you say staying put is not an option. You certainly don’t want to be holding your breath while exercising vigorously!
There’s nothing wrong with leaving and moving to another machine; no one is paying as much attention to your workout as you think, anyway. Would you feel odd about abruptly getting off a treadmill if you had a cramp or suddenly recalled an appointment that you had forgotten or noticed that the treadmill on the other side of the gym had a better view of the television showing CNN? You only feel awkward about changing your machine because you know the true reason you’re doing it. But the smelly person almost certainly does not, because if he or she were aware of being that smelly, he or she would have done something about it.
(In the unlikely but possible case that the person’s odor is the result of a medical problem and not poor hygiene, that person will have experienced this situation before and will find it dismaying but hardly blameworthy on your part.)
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Got a question or comment? Write to missconduct@globe.com. BLOG Read more of Miss Conduct’s wit and wisdom at boston.com/missconduct. CHAT Get advice live every first and third Wednesday, noon to 1 p.m., at boston.com. 
