Shhh, my roommate’s here

“Freshman year I went back to the room with someone,” one friend remembered, “and my roommate was already passed out. I went over and shouted his name pretty close to his ear. There was no response. So I turned to the guy I was with and it was like: ‘OK, we’re good to go.’ ”

Another piped in: “I had sex all the time when my roommate was in the room sleeping. He left a note once that said something like ‘This has to stop.’ That was pretty bad.”

“I don’t know if either of us ever had sex with someone while the other person was there,” another confided, “but things definitely happened.”

And a fourth: “Dude, you definitely did that when I was in the room.”

Typically, these kinds of stories would stay on campus. But in September, our sex lives were caught in the glare of an awfully bright spotlight. Saying they had received complaints from students in the previous school year, staff members at the Office of Residential Life and Learning at Tufts University produced an amendment to the on-campus guide: “You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room. Any sexual activity within your assigned room should not ever deprive your roommate(s) of privacy, study, or sleep time.”

The change generated national media interest. Among my circle of friends, the new rule has become the new joke. We’ve never been bothered by our roommates’ romantic activities. We all know we should treat our roommates as we would want to be treated. If someone has misbehaved, we have confronted them ourselves. Sexual relationships aren’t the only new relationships for some students to navigate. With so many people living so close together, social situations can present challenges that sometimes prove stressful. The ability I’ve gained in college to resolve issues and remain friends with those I care about is more valuable than any lessons I’ve taken home from my classes.

In The Tufts Daily, one sophomore recalled a freshman roommate who repeatedly had sex in their shared quarters during the day. “I felt a mix of anger, embarrassment and disgust,” he told the student paper, “as I had to cover up the phone on a long-distance call with my mother so she wouldn’t hear the noises coming from four feet away.”

While some of my friends felt embarrassed reading this and wondered if the public perception of their school had become one filled with obnoxious, oversexed students, I wondered about a few other things: Why didn’t this student speak up at the time? Why didn’t he talk to his resident adviser? If that didn’t work, why didn’t he request a room change?

Yes, these things can be uncomfortable to bring up, but many things in life are. I would argue that Tufts is probably one of the easiest places in which to voice concerns about this issue. Here, sex is talked about openly. At least once or twice a year a speaker is brought to campus to discuss issues of sex and sexuality. It’s just as easy for me to tell you how to get a free condom on campus as an apple in the dining hall.

If the public’s worst perception of our generation -- especially of those privileged enough to attend break-the-bank private institutions of higher education -- is one of lazy trust-fund kids in flip-flops who have been coddled every day of their lives, the new rule seems to support this view.

It seems we can’t even be trusted to resolve issues in our private lives without some form of authority holding our hands.

Kelsey Marie Bell, a senior at Tufts University, is an aspiring journalist. Send comments to coupling@globe.com. Story ideas: Send yours to coupling@globe.com. Please note: We do not respond to ideas we will not pursue.