One child is enough
Responding to family-building questions, plus annoying cellphones and insurance paperwork.
I am the happy mother of a 7-year-old son. At least once a week a stranger asks me if I have more children. I simply answer, “No, he is my only child.” I feel that should be the end of it, but there are always follow-up questions and “good-natured” pressure to have more children. It is a very personal decision, and I will not explain it to strangers on the train, in restaurants, on playgrounds, etc. Is there something I can say to put an end to the conversation? B.D. / Arlington Like your son, I, too, am an only child, and the Conduct Mom has been known to shut that kind of thing down with “No, we didn’t need any more children -- we got it right the first time.” I kind of cringe when she does this, because of the obvious implications. But she is one of those people who can get away with saying such things, because although her outer trappings are those of a nice Midwestern church lady, her tongue and her elbows got sharpened in the mean streets of her New York childhood. The contrast is charming.
If you don’t have that going on, I’d suggest either a “Mom voice” rendition of what you wrote to me: “It’s a personal decision, and I’m not going to discuss it with someone I met in line to see The Princess and the Frog.” Alternately, you could try a version of turning-the-question-back-on-the-questioner: “We made our decision and are very happy with it. But what if a couple wanted more than one child and couldn’t have them? How do you think your questions would make them feel?”
I was, uh, using the bathroom facilities when a woman who works in the office next door came in while talking on her cellphone. I didn’t want to overhear someone’s private conversation, but I certainly didn’t want any sounds filtering through, so I refrained from flushing until she hung up (which was about five minutes or so -- a lot of time away from my desk!). Please, could you use the power of the pen to ask people not to use their cells in the bathroom? B.T. / Malden
Your wish is my command, although technically I am using the power of my PowerBook to spread the good word. However, you could have done something even more effective: You could have flushed. It’s not your responsibility to perch in a stall in bored silence with your pantyhose in a twist, trying neither to emit nor hear any unauthorized noise, like some big-game hunter awaiting prey from high in a tree. Who cares if you outed the other woman’s tacky behavior? She’s the one who was using the bathroom for inappropriate purposes, not you.
I went to a doctor for an eye test and was asked by the front desk to sign a waiver saying I had agreed to take the test and that if it was not covered by insurance, I would pay for it. I asked them why they had not called my insurance company beforehand or even asked me to do that. They said they did not have the time. I got upset and argued with them and ended up leaving. Could you tell me if I was doing something unreasonable? J.C. / Westford Yes, you were. Front-desk workers don’t make the rules and rarely have the authority to break them. So arguing with them is abusive and pointless. If you have a problem with how your health care providers (or any other business or agency) run things, send a complaint letter to the administration rather than venting your frustrations on the staff. In the meantime, you may as well accept that getting health care is a complex and paperwork-intensive process, and make that eye appointment again while you can still read the fine print.
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Got a question or comment? Write to missconduct@globe.com. BLOG Read more of Miss Conduct’s wit and wisdom at boston.com/missconduct. CHAT Get advice live this Wednesday, noon to 1 p.m., at boston.com. 
