Table for three
The rules for bringing babies to restaurants, plus asking to skip gifts.
My wife and I are expecting our first child in a couple of months. One of our favorite hobbies is going out to dinner at the great restaurants in the city. Now we are wondering when and where it will be appropriate to take our baby out to dinner with us. What types of restaurants are suited for this? Is there a curfew after which having a baby out is inappropriate? D.G. / Boston You’re quite the plan-ahead type, aren’t you, D.G.? Because I’m guessing it’s going to be a while before you are even thinking about going out to a restaurant again. So why don’t you clip out this column and paste it in the baby book, so you can revisit it once the intense sleep-deprivation part is over. Stagger into a high-end restaurant with dark circles under your haunted eyes, matted hair, and spit-up on your untucked shirt, and the servers will expect you to order “braaaiiiinss . . . sweet braaaiiiinss . . .”
That said, you might be able to get away with a few restaurant visits in those early months, if D.G. Jr. will sleep quietly in a sling or carrier. If part of keeping the little one quiet involves nursing him, ask for a secluded booth for your wife and you. I support public breast-feeding (as does Massachusetts law), but many Americans still don’t, and it’s not going to be an enjoyable dinner for any of you if you’re tensely awaiting a confrontation with the manager or an uptight patron.
Once D.G. Jr. becomes more mobile and vocal, you’ll probably want to cool it on the restaurant visits for a while. As he or she moves into the capacity for pretend play, start practicing “restaurant night” at home. Of course you’ll be teaching your child good table manners all the way, but playing restaurant is a great means to coach your child in restaurant etiquette. Dress up the table with flowers and dim the lights and enter “Cafe G,” politely announcing that you have reservations for 5:30. You or your wife can play server, reciting the “special of the day,” and D.G. Jr. can practice ordering with the appropriate “please” and “thank you” and “May I have the dressing on the side.” (And if Mommy and you want to play “Saucy Server” and “Stern Maitre d’ ” once the kid’s put to bed, go for it.)
Once you have your child, you’ll start meeting other parents in your neighborhood who can give you the 411 on which local restaurants are child-friendly and which aren’t. And yes, there is a curfew, and your child will let you know exactly when that is. Little kids need a lot of sleep, and there’s nothing more miserable for everyone than a wailing child in a restaurant at 10:30 in the evening.
I have a relative who gives me gifts that are not to my taste (country/crafty, things from the dollar bin, etc.). Because this relative really doesn’t know me that well, I’d rather go out to lunch together to celebrate a birthday or holiday so we can learn more about each other and develop a deeper relationship. How do I end the bad-gift cycle? N.A. / Worcester Tell your relative exactly that, minus the “bad gift” part, of course. The next time a holiday or birthday is coming up, call the person well in advance and ask if, instead of exchanging gifts, you could meet for lunch, dinner, or a visit to a museum. You feel self-conscious about doing this because you know that Cousin Itt is a terrible gift-giver, but Cousin Itt doesn’t know that. The notion that “we all have too much stuff in our lives, let’s celebrate experiences instead and get to know each other” is a perfectly honorable, and increasingly popular, sentiment in these leaner and more thoughtful times, so bring it up without embarrassment.
Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Got a question or comment? Write to missconduct@globe.com. BLOG Read more of Miss Conduct’s wit and wisdom at boston.com/missconduct. CHAT Get advice live every first and third Wednesday, noon to 1 p.m., at boston.com. 
