After the water ordeal, fears of the next crisis.
Dear Poland Spring: Now that the Great Drinking Water Crisis of 2010 has come and gone I feel we should send you a note of thanks, because if it weren’t for the water from you and other companies, we never would have had that interesting, and overwhelmingly distressing, look at ourselves that we got when the pipe broke in Weston. Suburbanites were getting cranky, and TV news people had wonderful human-interest stories at which they could gravely attempt to furrow their brows through the Botox. Let’s face it. We’re just not very good at situations like this. This wasn’t even really a water shortage, per se. There was still plenty of water. You just had to boil it. In other words, rather than treating the water aisle at Stop & Shop as though it were Antietam Creek, all you had to do was make spaghetti, except without the spaghetti! This, of course, was science far beyond many of us here in a country that watches as the Gulf of Mexico is gradually turned into lighter fluid through the work of BP and its head engineer, Dr. W.E. Coyote. Ours was a smaller, local – if oddly simultaneous – catastrophe, not that we rose to its challenge or anything. However, we did send a lot of business your way, and we need some money to keep libraries open and to pay for some raises for our firefighters. Help us out. Don’t wait until we’re desperate. Recent history says it doesn’t take very long.
Charles P. Pierce / firstname.lastname@example.org