THIS STORY HAS BEEN FORMATTED FOR EASY PRINTING
Pierced

Waves of muck

One tiny slice of an awfully big mess.

By Charles P. Pierce
June 20, 2010

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Dear Kemp’s ridley turtles: Well, it looks like you’ll be staying with us a little longer. Believe me, you’re better off swimming around there at the New England Aquarium and playing second or third fiddle to the penguins with the passing school groups. (Don’t feel too bad. Put Lady Gaga in the tank, and the kids would still run for the penguins.) And at least you’ve got company. From your original 200 brought to the aquarium last winter from Cape Cod beaches, there are about two dozen of you left, which is unfortunate but probably par for the course, if you happen to be one of the most endangered species on the planet. The intention was to release y’all back into the Gulf of Mexico at the most propitious time. But because British Petroleum hired the firm of Gomer, Goober, and Cluck to build a deep-water drilling rig, and because it handed the cleanup of the whole mess over to their idiot cousins, the gulf is now approximately as slick with oil as any congressional oversight committee and “the most propitious time” may well turn out to be half past when we colonize Mars. You don’t want to go there. Trust us. As a Plan B, the thought was to drop you off by South Carolina. Unfortunately, the oil in the gulf looks as if it might be coming up north, too. So you’re stuck, metaphorically, at least, which is a lot better than a lot of other turtles are doing.

Charles P. Pierce / cpierce@globe.com

  • June 20, 2010 cover
  • june 20 globe magazine cover
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