Miss Conduct - Boston.com

Are you a him or a her?

Writing to someone whose gender you don’t know, plus the statute of limitations on gripes.

Hasty goodbyes

How to stop making phony phone farewells, plus changing gift-giving traditions.

Too far for animals?

Weighing the rights of man vs. beast, plus unbearably smelly gym mates.

Here’s to dry toast

When celebrants question your lack of alcohol, plus should you say no to posh parties?

Recently my husband and I invited neighbors over for dinner -- very informal, just spaghetti and meatballs. Fifteen minutes before dinner, the husband called and said that unexpected company had arrived about an hour earlier, and they felt compelled to stay home and get a pizza for their guests, who didn’t look to be leaving any time soon. My husband ...

Blindsided by butter

My good friend recently fixed me a dinner cooked in a butter sauce. She said, “I know you can take a pill for your lactose intolerance, and I assume you brought them with you.” This was in fact the case, and the food was delicious, but I had lingering hurt feelings and some amount of digestive difficulty the next day. ...

A question of race

I am of mixed race. Ever since I can remember, people have asked me questions like “What are you?” or “Are you this/that?” It started to irk me in high school. I don’t mind telling people about my mix when we’re on the subject of nationalities, but I find the random “What are you?” rude, especially since it tends to ...

Rover speaks

How to reply to questions directed at your pet, plus surviving catty co-workers.

Feeling safe at the gym

How to respond to unwanted advances, plus returning birthday voice mails.

Evolutionary eruptions

How do I engage in polite discussions with relatives and co-workers who act as though scientific issues are not scientific but political or religious? For example, my brother claims global warming is not real even though there is scientific evidence it is, and friends say the earth is 6,000 years old and evolution is false. How do I help them ...