More on how to ask questions
In response to the "multiple choice" post, a reader writes:
I took a parenting skills class when my daughter was is elementary school. I learned wonderful skills I use to this day. The most amazing skill I learned was this: if you want your children to talk and share their thoughts and feelings, don't ask them questions. Impossible, I thought, but it works.When you pepper your kids with "What happened in school today" and "Did you get the results of your math test," they shut down. You become a meddling villain. Instead, make statements, as in "I missed you today," or "I thought about you at 10:00 when I knew you were in math class, I hope the test went well."
I'm telling you, it was the best advice! And it really works! Instead of being thrown into a defensive frame of mind, they actually open up and start sharing!
I find the same psychology works with adults. When you give someone "permission" to talk without setting up expectations through questions, they often tell you everything you want to know (and sometimes more). It also turns you into a better listener, because you're paying closer attention and not focused on thinking up your next question.
Excellent advice!
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
