Cancer rant
There's an excellent post entitled, appropriately, "Cancer Rant" on the Best of Craigslist. Anyone with a friend or relative currently living with cancer would do well to check it out. And if you don't currently have such a friend or relative--you will someday, possibly soon, so read it anyway.
The brave and witty survivor details all the things not to say to someone dealing with cancer and its treatment. My only problem with her post is that she doesn't say much about what people should do to show support and love. Which is my problem, not hers--she said what she wanted to say, presumably, and said it quite eloquently. She writes,
I needed other people too, I needed girlfriends to just come over with a movie or a dvd of a funny tv show, or to call me on the days they knew I had treatment, or to just call when they hadn’t heard from me in days. Some did and some didn’t. You know who you are and why you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t feel comfortable or maybe you were too “busy.” Regardless, I love you, and I will do it for you the next time you get cancer.... [I]f you do get cancer or if your friend or (insert any relative here) gets cancer, you can bet your bottom dollar that if/when I hear about it I’ll be on your/their doorstep with a big teary welcome to the cancer club hug and a mop and bucket to clean the floors, or popcorn and a dvd for the kids, or dinner so you/they don’t have to make it, or whatever it takes, for as long as it takes – and you won’t have to ask for it, and you won’t have to say thanks, because we’ll both just know. It’s a special club and we take care of our own.
This is helpful, but what should those of us not in the "cancer club" say to those who are? If you're in that club, or know someone who is, I'd love to hear from you (missconduct@globe.com) on what kind of verbal support you'd like from people. I'll blog about your responses, I promise. It can be hard for people only to be told what not to do, and not told what they should do. Especially when they're feeling scared and useless, the way you do when someone you love has cancer. So I'd like to have some advice from survivors to offer those of you who, like me, are moved by "Cancer Rant."
(And thanks for those who have written in about size on the subway. I'll blog that, too, once that column is submitted or published. It's not too late to e-mail me about it!)
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Who is Miss Conduct?
Robin Abrahams writes the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine. Robin, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University, has worked as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Marc Abrahams, founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, which are given annually for achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think.
