Cancer rants III

And here's the one that made me cry, folks. Maybe because while I haven't had cancer, my father did, three times (he declined treatment and chose to die at home after his third diagnosis). So I'm particularly sensitive to the pain of those who live with cancer at one remove. The first time my dad was diagnosed, I said, "I just wish I could do something for you." He replied, gently and humorously as he always did, "Robin, I can't do anything and it's my cancer! Don't be so hard on yourself."

Read on:

I'm in the cancer club, even though I'm only 28. In the summer of 2003 I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I found it very early and, as far as cancer goes, mine was a cakewalk. Surgery followed by a mere six weeks of chemotherapy, which was certainly unpleasant, but I can tolerate a lot for 6 weeks. I almost feel bad counting myself a member since I got off so easily, and it makes me wonder if I'm qualified to write to you in response to the cancer rant. I cannot envision enduring for 8 months what I endured for 1.5. But if I had to, I'm sure that I would have....and this is where I say something that I've never heard another cancer patient say.....I would have endured because, when it comes down to it, having cancer is easy.

Let me explain. From the moment I walked into the doctor's office saying, "I found this lump" to this very day I have had to make no real decisions and take no real actions regarding my cancer....appointments, surgeries, chemo, checkups, followup CT scans and xrays every month, then 3, and now every 6...it's all been done for me. All I had to do was show up. When the choice is "get treated and hope you live" vs. whatever the opposite is, and to do the first you just have to be present the choice is easy. There's no choice at all. This is also why I have a hard time whenever someone talks about someone's "brave" or "heroic" battle with a disease. You do what you have to do to survive, and as long as it looks like you have a chance of surviving you will endure the pain to get there.

Having cancer is easy....having a husband with cancer is hard. I honestly think that my cancer was harder on my wife than it was on me. In the summer of 2003 we were living in Texas as grad students and had a few friends, but not a close network. There was no one to help her handle the fact that her husband was sick, wanted to do nothing but sit and try to conquer the constant nausea. She was wonderful to me, but I was useless to her during that time. I only had to deal with the chance that I might not survive (though the percentages are quite good for early discovery of testicular cancer....somewhere above 90% cure rate) but she had to deal with the possibility of losing a spouse...

No one ever said the things to me that were said to the ranter on the craigslist post, so I can't comment much on them, but I think one thing that the poster left out is that the patient's family will need just as much support, and in my opinion more, than the patient. If you have cancer you are a serious drag to be around. I wish we'd had some closer friends that could have taken my wife out somewhere fun to help her get away once in a while and help her fight the unhappiness that having a maybe-dying-husband caused in her.