Grammarmanners Part I

Since my column a couple of weeks ago about a grammar-challenged babysitter, I've gotten a lot of e-mails--both comments and questions--about language-related issues. I thought I'd post some of them here, and my thoughts, and open these posts ('cause there will be more than one!) up to comments, since this is clearly an area y'all want to talk about.

Two of the letters dealt directly with the question of the solecism-brunging, conversating babysitter:

Re: E. L. in Andover. Doesn't her sentence sound a bit awkward: "Do I say nothing to her.."? How does one say "nothing"? Would you agree that it would be preferable to ask: " Should I say anything to her .."? As for your reply, what does a "good lesson" look like?. "Sounds like a good lesson for kids.." Isn't it better to say: "Sounds as though it could be a good lesson... "

I fail to see how it is "rude and unkind" to correct errors of speech or grammar when people have come to this country to learn English. Several of my neighbors are from the Caribbean area and they welcome any attempts to help them improve their language skills. On the other hand, I encounter deplorable grammar in directives that are to be circulated. Do you feel that I should keep quiet and not draw the errors to the attention of management? Are you saying that I should let the errors persist and have management cast in an embarrassing position? They welcome the corrections I offer and we joke about running things past me before they go to print.

I think it is charitable to help others when an opportunity presents itself. Of course any correction has to be given in a true spirit of friendship and never, never, given in a manner of superiority. Perhaps our situation is unique, but we have many laughs over the usage of words and proper grammar.

Well, let's see. As to the critique of my column, while letters are edited for brevity and grammar, we try to keep as much of the writer's voice intact as possible. And I preferred the short punchiness of "Sounds like a good lesson to me" to the longer, more formal one.

There was nothing in the letter that indicated that the babysitter is from another country. In fact, my linguistic Spidey sense tells me she's got to be a native speaker. ESL speakers confuse words and simplify the language, they don't complexify it by inventing words like "conversate." You have to know a fair bit about how English works to come up with "conversate." (And a nitpick--immigrants do not come to the US to learn English. They come for better economic opportunity, more freedom, to be with family, to attend school, or the like. They learn English to come to the US, not the other way around. And there is so very much to learn about any new country--the money, the social customs, the politics, where to shop for things, how to interpret body language--that I don't think it's in good form to contribute to information overload unless you're either specifically asked, or they're clearly in a bind and can't figure out what's going on in a specific situation, or unless you know the person awfully well.)

If you are in a very close relationship with someone it's acceptable to point out errors if they've indicated an interest in language. You don't ever do it during the flow of conversation, though, and interrupt what someone is saying to critique how they are saying it.

And of course a work situation is different. Every office has, or should have, the unofficial Chief Grammarian who proofs everyone else's work before it goes out. So, too, is this less formal work situation--

I would like to offer a counterpoint to your answer to E.L. in Andover about correcting someone's grammar being "rude and unkind" unless asked for. On the contrary, it may be unkind not to make a correction, perhaps in private, when good usage is violated, for if we don't, who will? The mistakes will be repeated by the unknowing speaker until someone steps forward to make the correction.

I run a small business which employs high school age boys. The nature of the business involves much time being spent in a vehicle while going from job to job, during which time there is much conversation among the young men and me or just between them. I hear "him and I," "don't got no. .," "I did good," "...better than me (did)," etc. And, yes, I make corrections, explaining to them they might be making these mistakes in a job or college interview.

That's different, because you're in a mentoring situation with those boys. I'd do the same with any teenagers I employed or taught, as well. But there's no indication of that kind of mentoring relationship with the babysitter, or any mention of her age. So I think a hands-off policy is best. If she thinks she ain't broke, don't fixate her.