I beg your pardon?

In last week's chat, the question of "excuse me" v. "pardon me" came up (this was addressed in my March 30 column) and "Carolyn Cambridge" noted, "Tangentially, I come from the south, where 'I beg your pardon' has at least a dozen different senses, depending on tone and context." She e-mailed me later to say,

Having made the claim, I'm trying to see if I really can think of a dozen different senses for "I beg your pardon," as used in the South. I think so--

Some are apologetic, with different degrees of fervor, depending on the nature of the offense.

1) IBYP would have been appropriate for the woman who hit your friend with the door, in a tone of horror and surprise, as in, "I'm SO sorry, how very clumsy of me."

2) A similar horrified tone for a major social error, like forgetting a date to meet someone: "I'm so sorry, what on earth was I thinking, IBYP."

3) A smaller physical accident, as when the braking of the bus makes you stumble into the next standee.

4) A little mental lapse, like failure to recognize someone you know slightly: "oh, IBYP, of course, Hillary--how nice to see you."

5) A little milder still for other etiquette accidents: "IBYP, I didn't see you in line there, please do go next."

6) Used to nudge someone who's committing such an mistake against you. "IBYP, I think those are our seats," or "If I could just get my coat out of your way." It's polite because it expresses some doubt, and leaves the offender room for a return "excuse me."

7) Following a belch or the like, among family--means "My goodness, am I capable of such a rude noise?"

3, 5, 6 and 7 are commonly "Excuse me,"in various degrees of emphasis.

8) The pardon requested for speaking to a complete stranger: "IBYP, but I'm trying to find the subway station and I think I'm completely turned around."

9) or the not-quite complete stranger, who is nonetheless not expecting your question: "IBYP, but aren't you Brenda's brother-in-law? I think we met at her wedding."

10) Genuinely interrogatory for something you didn't hear. An old-fashioned form of "Say again?"

"Pardon me" still competes with "Excuse me" in these three senses.

11) In a shocked tone, the teacherly/grandmotherly way of pretending you didn't quite hear something, to give the offender a chance to pretend he didn't say it. Used if a child swears in front of an adult, or responds with a 'naah' where a "Yes, ma'am" is the order of the day. One thing that's different about the South is a somewhat wider scope for not-parental adults to do this.

12) The same from adult to adult is an emphatic response to an insult. "IBYP, Magdalena is a dear friend of mine, and I won't hear a word against her." It's a couple of steps short of challenging someone to a duel.

I think this is fabulous. Nice work, Carolyn. What other words or phrases do a lot of duty for you? (And if you haven't seen Slate's analysis of the Bud Light "Dude" commercial, you want to. A video of the ad is embedded in the article. ) As noted, I find a lot of the LOLcat formulations to have the memorable yet flexible quality you want in a polysemous (linguist-talk for "having multiple meanings") phrase.